Work Bitch (Take 2)
Dear friends,
When I think about the things I do with myself, I think my working ethic is pretty strong. I have a lot of things going on and I still manage to get a lot of things done. I have to teach, write these post, edit them, make my promo. There is a lot of things that going into making this website work. As much as I find all of that easy, there is still something that is missing with my life. When I think about all the things I want to do, I’ve always wanted to be a writer. As much as I know I am one, there is still a bit part of me that is holding on to the hope of being a publish author. For the longest time I have been thinking about, do I really need it? As time gone by, I’ve been thinking I do.
The reason why I have been thinking about it more, is eye opening and sad at the same time. As now I work with people who are 16-19, they are people who have their whole future ahead of them. A lot of the writing tasks I do with new groups is, asking them about their future; what they expect to do with there lives. Besides some of them not being able to write formal writing, a lot of them there dreams are very small. I don’t know if that is a generational thing, that they are just aren’t ambitious, or are just kids that have been beaten down by their circumstance. The truth is I don’t know. What it has done is make me think about my future and my past.
When I was there age I only had one goal in mind, get the grades I need to go to university, and learn the things I needed to become a writer. Of course, I went a did all of that, and that was sole motivation. Now all that is over what I am doing about that second part? Well I am writing for my site, but what else? Nothing really. Do I believe I have what it takes? Yes I do, but why am I not doing anything about it? Why aren’t I working at my own dream? The truth is I don’t know.
The truth is, I know how much effort goes into being a proper writer. In the last two years I have written two full length novels. Something I didn’t find too hard to do. It was challenging sure, but once I found my grove getting to the end of writing, the narrative was too hard. Since then, I have edited them both, but that’s as far as it has gone. Why you might ask, well I need a bit of feedback on my work. Not to jerk myself off, but just to give me some guidance in where I should be going with my work. Then once I have done all that it that’s when the hard work begins. Which I wont go into, but if you’re curious look it up and see how hard it is.
The thing is, when I think about writing a story I really do try my hardest to make it work. Even with the little online stuff I’ve done, it been tuff. Its some of it my best work? At the time, it was, since then I’ve grown and feel more confident. I have read more, I have taught more. I now feel like I know what I need to do, to make it work. The truth is I really want to make a go of it. Which is why the two novels I wrote are two different genres for two different types of readers. I really want to cover my bases and try to make it any way I can
Some of you might be thinking, arent you a teacher though? Yes I am, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to do both. When I saw a published author was still teaching high school, and had a couple of successful novels, makes me think I could do it too. As much as I like teaching, I do still want to do writing. I would like to do both. Wither that is teaching kids to pass exams, or how to be writers. I would like to live off my skills of writing, but that isn’t going to happen with out work.
As I am now mid 30s! I need to be willing to put in the effort to make it happen. Without me trying and work at it, how is it going to happen? I keep thinking everything I do in my life is enough, but I do I really think that. When I think about others, I hear what they say and then do nothing about it. I try so hard not to be that person. I don’t like to make a claim and then not doing anything about it. I want to write professionally, but trying once ten years ago, isnt really trying. I am not worried about the rejection? I’ve had a life time of it. I guess I am more worried about the work load, on top of my other work load.
I’d love to say this time next year I’ll have a book deal, or have an legitimate interest in my work. I would be happy if I just got one published then I have lived a dream for myself and someone else. What would be helpful would be everyone who claims to want to read my work, if they did. That would make one part easier. I am going to continue to jot down ideas, take inspiration from other media, and keep working towards what I want.
Xo FabEs
