What's My Name (Take 2)

Dear friends, 

Do you know what my name is? Some of you only know me by one name. It’s either FabEs, or Fabian right? Well then you would be correct. However, if you are some of the people I work with, or some of the students I teach, my name is sir. That’s what they call me, so it must be my name. 

As I have now been in education for 6 years, I have learned that names have now been lost to time. Everywhere you go, people just call you Sir or Miss. Mainly because it is easier to remember, and it's pretty universal. However, when you see some people daily, and they still don't know your name, it's a bit of a mystery, Why they insist on calling you something. 

I know my name isn't too easy to pronounce or spell. But it's not that hard to learn it. I know I personally have issues with learning people's names. It’s more a dyslexia thing more than anything else. I am much better with faces. Or I do a thing that some people do, and that’s give people another name, just to remember them by. Of course, this goes horribly wrong, if you keep calling some Fred, when their name is like John or something. However, it is still a little more personal to call someone by a name, that simply a title. 

Of course I am not going to moan too much about people calling me SIr, because I get it. It’s easy and simple. To be honest, I am so used to it now. Some people don't seem to realise since I work at a college, people call me by first name. Which is why it's weird when some of the younger students call me Fabian. It’s odd because I've been their teacher for almost 8 months and now they are only now using it, or remembering it. Some of you might be thinking, but you properly don’t introduce yourself every time you see them. And you would be correct. However, the fact that I email them constantly with my name on it, should be a give away. 

That being said, even though I work for a rather large company, a lot of the other members of staff still don't know my name. Even though some of these people I see daily. It's just sir. Yet for some things, they have to tag me on the system, you’d think they would remember who I am. Sadly not. What's even worse, when people send me emails and my name is spelt wrong, I mean it's right there, how is it that hard? I know adulting is hard, and spelling is hard, but my name is right in front of you! I don’t know. 

Outside of work people know my name right? Wrong! Even though on a lot of the online dating websites I have my name somewhere, or links to my social media accounts. People still can’t use basic detective skills to know what my name is. I mean when your social media is listed as By FabEs, who do you think FabEs is? But lo and behold, FabEs can’t be my name. 

We live in the year 2024 where anything is possible. Yet for some reason having my name be FabEs is a lol moment. Why? Because it doesn't sound real. Now for 2 reasons this annoys me. 1, Most names are made up, so why doesn't it matter if it doesn't sound real. 2, this is eticnic erasure. Just because you are unfamiliar with a name it must be made up or silly. Of course my name is made up, but it's what people have called me for so long it’s just what I go by. I’ve just stylised it for it to make sense. You are calling me by my name when you call me this. That’s why it's deceptively brilliant. But laughing at me because my name is different is so primary school, people get blocked before they get a reply. I’d hate to think what people are doing to people who are non-binary. 

Now am I upset that people call me different things? No, not at all. I just like being called something other than, hey you! I mean for some reason some people online call me daddy, why? Kink. I am called a lot of different things by different people. I just would like people to actually use a name or title that means something between our relationship. I mean I am barely called anything offensive, so what's the harm? But my point really is, what if you were called something other than your name, how does that make you feel? Nothing, sadness, ambivalent? But how does it feel when you meet someone new, or know a person for a long time? Does it change? For me it does, forget me once fine. Forget after months not so great. 

I hope when I read this back this doesn't sound to moany. (sounds reasonable) But for me it’s just a thing where I have constantly tried to reinvent myself, and have a less ethnic sounding name. Too finally accepting that this is my name, and I would like you to use it people. So one last time, what’s my name? 

Xo FabEs