Get Back Up Again

Dear friends, 

I do like it when I can come to you with something positive. Even though some people's initial reaction to the topic might be slightly apprehensive. But this is positive about my mental health, and even though it has been a long journey, and a recent test, I’d like to say that I am still doing okay. 

Even though it has been 15 years since my initial problems, it has always been a little thing that has haunted me for such a long time. Whenever I thought I would be okay, and be over it, it just came back, and usually came back with avengence. Between medication and therapy, it has been a little journey to try and couple as best as I could. Until a few years ago, I accepted that I will never be over it. I will be mentally affected for the rest of my life, there is not much I can do about it. Except what I have been doing. 

I feel like if I told myself 15 years ago, this is going to be with me forever, and no matter how much i’d try it just won't go away. That would have just made things worse. Now I have perspective about the situation. The reason why I am like this is never just one reason. It's come down to a whole lot of factors, and you’ve got to make changes to stop these things. 

For me, a lot of the issues I have have to do with social interaction, work and speaking. Now I have things in place to make sure if these are falling, it's for me to do something active about it. As I told you last season, I do a weekly assessment, and see how these compare over time. And being able to see two weeks ago when I was 5, now I am 9, is great. Because I will survive and keep on going.

For me to get to this point isn’t just one thing I did. As some of you may know, what works for me, might not work for someone else. As much as I would love to still be in therapy, I’m not, but I still remember all my teachings to make myself good. Another thing is sleep. You don’t know how much sleep affects me. Which is why I don't care how uncool it seems. If I am tired and it's 9:30 on a Friday I will just go to bed. That way I will have a better tomorrow, rather than a bad one. Similarly, an afternoon nap never misses too. 

One thing that I have gone to realise that all doctors are right about is movement. Going for walks, and doing some form of exercise has really helped me. Which is great, as this is the sole reason why I keep up with a gym routine. However, when these things happened in the past, and many people I know have no motivation to get out of bed, let alone get up and get out of the house. It's just one of those things, where you have to power through. 

But the thing I have learned the most is, whatever happens and however shit things get you will have to get back up. Now of course, this only happens if you want it to happen. Which I have not wanted to do time and time again. Additionally, each time I crash it's never due to the same thing. I have learned and keep on learning, till I get to the point where I am today. I am fine. 

I don't mean a fine, I say when someone asks you how you are. I am fine where I am balancing everything I need to do, and most days (85% if I had to put a number on it) I can do what I need to do without a worry. Is it scary, sure, but I can handle it. Am I perfectly covered, No. I was worried that now I am back to working full time. It would be a stress, a worry, and so many other things, but honestly it's been fine, and nothing more than I can’t handle. Which to me is amazing. Do I think things are going to stay this way? No of course not, but for the foreseeable I am doing okay. 

Dear reader, the whole point of the post was to make you aware that something will always come at you and that something will help you get better. You might see it right now if you’re at a low point, but eventually you will get there. I know it's easy for me to say, and I wouldn't have thought the same when I was in the thick of it, but now I am okay. I am not going to give into superstition, and worry about jinxing it. I know if i took a turn tomorrow, I’ll take a day, then get back to righting the wrongs. It’s called optimism, and I like trying it.

If you are, or know someone who might be struggling, just do what you can. Don’t try to help without being asked, just listen. Other than just remembering to say, I am here for you, and that should be enough help. As for me, I am going to enjoy my hobbies, exercises and emotions, because it won’t keep me down. 

Xo FabEs