Who Am I?

Dear Friends,

In the last month or so I’ve had major identity crises, I haven’t known who I am. With so much time on my hands, I’ve felt like I have forgotten what it’s like to be me. I know this feeling like, but this time it has been a really idea of being on a stranded island.

One of the things I have realised is at the moment I am very much in two parts of my life. Some days I am a student, who is studying to pass assessments. Sometimes I am teacher, where I’m in charge of students and making sure they are learning. I know to some people they would think it shouldn’t be two things. When I think about it, they are, but for me they felt slightly different. 

I think the reason why I feel they are different, is when I was doing them, they were separate. However, I knew one thing was leading another. When it all went away, I felt like I was being a bad student and a bad teacher. This made me feel really crappy, and made me realise I wasn’t excelling at either.

I think what I've realised which is something I have never really noticed. I really get into what I am doing professionally. I know some people will be like, “well duh!” What I have also realised is, I don’t think I show it to the people who actually matter. Such as my employers or the people who are monitoring me. When I felt like I wasn’t being taken seriously, it made me feel like I people didn’t think I was serious. 

This had made me think a lot about what I need to do with my life going forward. One of the things I need to make sure is, actually telling and showing people I actually care about my professional development. I don't know if it's a thing I’ve been doing deliberately, or maybe I haven't been around the people asking me the right questions. I just feel going forward I need to maybe sound enthusiastic and less sarcastic when I speak. Or maybe it’s might be my cool laid-back nature that is making people not think I am serious. Maybe it's me being particular and robotic, but I need to show people I care.

To the question of who I am, I know who I am. This time I didn’t lose a sense of who I am personally. I just lost a sense of who I was professionally. Which is odd because when I really think about life, I do forget where I am in life, and my professional life is so important. Until now I haven't actually really been confusing about what I should do. I am too people, The Student and The Teacher. The sooner I get back to where I need to be, I will be fine. I am still FabEs and also Mr E English teacher. Now I know who I am, it's time for me to get back to being who I know I am.

Xo FabEs