Whatever U Like

Dear friends,

As we continue our sexual journey, I thought I would talk about what happens a lot on the apps and whenever I get chatting to guys. I considered this to be similar to another thing I want to talk about later this season, but I think this is something that needs to be broached. When people tell me they will do whatever I like.

I think we should start at the beginning here. Sadly, like most things I talk about it comes down to systematic racism. People like to assume, as a black man, that I am this type of person. They have it in their heads, I’ve got to be aggressive, I’ve got to be dominating, I’ve got to want to hit it and quit it. If you know me, you know I am none of these things. I am assertive, because reasons that will become clear, but I am not what ‘some’ people think a black man must be. Which is what causes a lot of issues when it comes to meeting guys, and maybe to why I am single.

As such, a lot of people go to me, I’ll do whatever you like to do. To me, that’s a broad claim to make. You don't know what I’m into, why would you assume that whatever I am into what you're down with? Well too many assume it has something to do with; me fucking them hard and breeding them. That’s their idea of doing whatever I like. Why? Because that's what the last black guy did to them. Or worse, that's their ideal fantasy to happen to them. To these people I go, ‘Okay’ blocked, next bitch! I can’t be dealing with that.

Now the thing is when some say they will do anything, they don't mean it. They hope what I am going to say is something pretty basic, which is why to some of those people I scare them away. I ask them if they are willing to be tied up, whipped and used by any guy I can find. Surprisingly, not so many are into it and not want to do what I want any more. Which is surprising, as that’s what I want, but to them, they were hoping for something not extreme. I call them quitters.

I joke, but a lot of the time I think these people are new to men, and unsure of what they want. However, this has been very few and far in between. Most have been with more than me, but they just want some else to make the decision for them. Not quite subs, but people who are hoping to have someone who will be clear about what they want. Which I understand of course, they don't want to have to worry about asking for things, let someone else make the choice and they can go it alone with it or not. Which don't get me wrong, I totally understand, but to me there is something more to it.

I am an intellectual, I like people who think, or can form some kind of opinion about something. I am not the type to go with a guy who acts like a porn star. I like people who can have conversations and still like to get down and dirty. It’s called having standards! So when it comes to people saying, i'll do whatever you want, it doesn’t do much for me. As I like to know what you're into as well as me; to have a discussion about what we could compromise and find a nice middle group. Of course, this approach barely works, and you know guys are horny, and needs must be met. This then does have some negative effects of course.

When I ask people what they like, they either get embarrassed or think it's a trap. I guess they think it’s a trap as people seem to think, that if they were to say something they like and I’m not with it I’m going to get upset with them. Which is similar to embarrassment, they think I’m going to judge them, because they like something very not vanilla. Of course I won't, but I know once bitten twice shy.

I do think that some people say, I'll do whatever I like in hopes I’d say something they really like to try out, and not have the courage to bring it up. It’s like trying your hand at the lottery, maybe this one will bring the one thing I really want to try. The sad truth is I know too many people who are like this, and I don't know how to make this kind of thing become a thing of the past.

Honestly I do think that a lot of people are a lot more kinky than they want to admit. Sometimes it is easier to just follow someone’s lead, rather than be the leader. Which is something I think about in life, not only sex. In life they are leaders and followers, and sometimes some people can be leaders in one thing and not in another. Or maybe it might be a simple choice, I choose to not have the choice, that could be it. I don't know but hopefully one of you will tell me.

So what are you, someone who has to have things their own way? Are you a negotiator? Or are you a follower? Let me know, because I would like to have some more thoughts on the subject. As for me I’m going to try and find a guy who’s willing to dress up like James Bond, and help me keep the British end up.

Xo Fabes