One Minute Man
Dear friends,
This is going to be a touchy subject, but hey let's get into it. In as long as I have been having sex with men there has been this ongoing thought about how long it's a good length of time to have sex? Of course, if I were to go by the standards of people on Grindr, a quick 20 minute thing is good, but what about longer? Well there is a major issue we are not talking about as a people, cumming too soon. This isn’t just the issue, it's also not cumming all is an issue too.
When I think about the act of ejaculation (as I regularly do), there is a lot of pride in coming too quickly. It’s socially accepted when you're first starting out with sex, that you are not meant to be good, or go long either. Which I think a lot people still have a lot of embarrassment about. That sex only lasts a few seconds and or minutes, the first couple of times. While not one is really getting pleasure out of it. Which is somewhat true, but it is accepted as a newbie thing. But what if you never grow out of it?
Of course there are many different reason why some might cum a little sooner than expected. I am not going to research them, but if you are curious go have a look. What I do know, once I used to think of it very negatively, but now I don't so much. Simply because it could be some kind of issue someone has, and too shy to talk about. If you do think about it negatively; what you could do, like many people who I’ve met, take it as a compliment.
Why would you take it as one? Well simply put, you turned someone on so much, they couldn’t control themselves. That’s the take away from that situation. Of course that should be considered flattering, but some people will get annoyed with it over time. Not to mention what would you do if the opposite were to happen? Well come to that in a minute (no pun intended). But there is another way to look at it, is nerves. Some people just get too up in their head about things and before they know it, they just shoot. Or some people don't know that maybe they should take a pause to pee, because both functions can’t happen at the same time. Just a FYI for you all.
Now let's talk about the opposite. There a lot of people who have an issue with finishing. Which sometimes can be for the same reason why someone is cumming too soon. Of course, I am the kind of person who will ask someone what will make them shoot, and some of the answers I get back; not all are scientifically possible. But I guess, dirty talk is dirty talk. Of course the compliment idea can be reversed here. The thought goes like this, '`they can’t finish because they don't find me attractive?’ This is a thought I’ve had once or twice, but I’ve had to check myself. This isn’t about me, as much as I want it to be the case. I’ve had experiences where people are furiously jerking off to finish, when I've said it’s okay, they’ve said they need to. Which of course isn’t going to make it happen.
I’ve once had someone tell me, “well I didn’t cum so couldn't you tell I wasn't into it?” This person was obviously an idiot, because I don't judge people's enjoyment of sex by their coming, I judge it by asking the person. As I've said before I have grown beyond simply just an activity to inform me. I like for people to vocalise these ideas. To me, if a person cums too quickly or not at all it doesn’t sully the experience for me. I know a lot of people are not able to really get beyond the idea that, if this doesn’t happen it means this. Or if this happens too fast, it means this. We need to have a better understanding of health and general human psychology.
What I do like to do is tell people, cum or not it can still be a good time. I feel like this relaxes some people if they know they have issues. Sometimes all it takes is putting things in a positive light to help people. Or sometimes (this could link what I'm not talking about next) that people think once you cum sex is over. A friend and I agree that, if you do cum early doesn't mean you just put on your pants and leave. There is still fun to be had; in half an hour or an hour later. It’s all perspective. While also considering the face just because you’ve finished the other person hasn’t. While we do also have to consider the time and place. A quick one in the men’s toilet, quick. An over nighter with a guy, long. A weekend away with the bf, as many times you can!
All I know is I'm going to be fair to a lot more guys about the issue, as sometimes we have to talk about issues before we tackle it. I think that reassurance is key. Hopefully someone you have seen the error in your ways and will treat people more fairly.
Xo FabEs
