Wasted

Dear friends,

I am writing to you today while I am intoxicated. Why am I am doing this, because today I have realized something that I have known but today has brought it to the forefront. When I am wasted, I feel like the true me. The person I’ve always wanted to be. The person I am while forgetting all the issues I have. Which is why I am writing this, I will try not to edit this too much, but I know the message I am trying to say.

Some people like to assume I am an alcoholic, and that is the wrong assumption about me. I like to drink. It is the only thing I do that allows me to feel like the person I want to be. When I am drunk, I forget about all my problems, and I forget about all the mental and social issues I have. I can just be me without worrying about how I will affect someone. How I sound to people, I can just be my true self. Which is why I don’t drink as much as some people would.

When I go to the doctor, they always ask me, do I drink do, I do drugs? I always say no because it’s the truth. I know reason they ask, they wondered am I do something to self-medicate. Honestly, I can understand the appeal of addiction. It allows you to feel better, and when you’re not there is nothing more you think about doing. Which is why I don’t drink too much.

As the world has been shit for almost two years and I have been going through some issues I’ve decided not to drink. As I know it would be oh too easy for me to enjoy myself being wasted and continue to enjoy it, till it’s wrecked my life. Which is why today I am going to enjoy how I feel.

Today I feel like I can say anything, and when I sober up, I won’t regret it. When I am like this, I am speaking my truth. I am being the FabEs I want to be. Being able to talk about anything, say anything and not worry about the little details. So, if you have ever got a message from me while I seem drunk, it’s me being honest without shame or worry. Which is something I need more of in my life.

Also, I feel like knowing this revelation will help my current situation. As I know now, I am thinking about too much about everything post covid. I feel right now if I were to have a couple of drinks, I would not worry about who I should be sleeping with, who I should be dating, what I should be doing for work, and how I should generally be living my life. The truth is I know I can live like this, which is such a shame.

Friends, (friendship never ends) I hope me, and you can enjoy our company over a couple drinks some time, and not worry about what went wrong in the past. We need to enjoy life because we’re not dead yet bitches! Just a shame I can live this way for every moment of my life. But who knows, maybe one I’ll be able to live my true self.

XOXOXO FabEs

P.S. Sober FabEs here, and I just want to point out I reread my words and lot of it wasn’t terrible dribble, it needed very little editing. Which means even when I’m drunk, I can see write a decent post.

XO