Viva La White Boy

Dear friends, 

For a long time, I’ve had a few ideas about what race has got to do with me, regarding dating, life, work and being gay. One of the biggest things I’ve had to wrestle with for such a long time has to do with the idea I hate my own race. Due to the simple fact I have never found a black man sexual attractive. Which I’ve now realised is something that is the making of me but doesn’t mean that I haven't had any ideas about it.

Like most things in my life, I have had a few theories and ideas of why I am the way I am. As I am not a profession psychiatrist (I just see one once a week), I don't have all the answers. That does stop me dismissing some of the more out their theories. Some of which include they might be a relation, I never had a dad around, or society has never promoted anything different. As there are all interesting ideas, but I don't think they are things I would honestly say, I think. I do think the last one has some merit to it.

Personally, I like to think it’s something that runs through the family. No words of lie, most the males who I am related to by blood have either dated, married or had children with white women. Which makes me feel I am not so different after all; I just change the gender. Now this might be a thing someone could theories, but if I’m just going to be honest, it just might be just a personal preference. 

I don't say that like, job done. I think for me it's a preference because to me someone who isn't black is different to me and creates an attraction there. They say opposites attract, but I’ve had interest in people generally who have a different upbringing to me. Maybe to expand my culture capital, or maybe it’s just to have something different to talk about. 

A big part of my whole thing is attracting people who are similar, in certain ways; gay, direct, honest, mentally ill. There are still a lot of differences along the way which creates great contrast in ways I could never imagine. Or maybe even more simply I like people who are lateral thinkers, and I have some intelligence about them. Now I am not saying black men don’t have any of these qualities, but it's an idea of what I look for in people.

This maybe a shock to people, I am not friends with any black gay men. This isn’t because I’ve been like, not interested sexually, not interested at all. It’s meanly been due to the fact many of the men I’ve met have either been interested in a fuck or two. Or wasn't out or did stereotypical things I hate we have to buy into. That might be one of my own prejudices, but I don't know. 

However, as I say there is something I didn't realise until quite late and would have been more interesting when I was exploring in the beginning. To White men I am something different, interesting and intriguing. They too might be like me and not be interested in men of their race and find people of my colour interesting. Or they might have a little more devious ideas in their head.

Sadly, I am going to be a little racist here, so apologies. Sometimes in my experience some men are interested in me because of racial stereotypes, and exoticism. To some people they expect me to be a fresh of the boat, closed gay guy. When a few have found out I’m an educated young man with a bright future, they quickly lost interest. They wanted me to speak with an accent, and just DTF. 

Which is why one the most annoying questions I get from guys I’ve just met online or in person is, where am I from. When I say London some people then ask where your mum is from. This is annoying because why aren’t we at a time where my background shouldn’t be so interesting right away. I mean I’m a second-generation black British man, I should be able to claim this country as my own. 

Back in the days when I was single and I used to head up north, I would constantly get hit up by guys. This was simply put as; we don't get a lot you type up here. Which I took to mean black men and is now a power I feel I have when I go there, and I am more aware of. Which just means because I am something different, I am interesting. 

However, one thing I will say if you are in an interracial relationship, don’t ever think, is this person with me because of my race. In most cases it is never a healthy question to ask. Unless of course you feel like you can be direct about it. I’ve done it once, and it was the eye opener which helped me on this journey. 

So, am I racist? I like not to think so, but then of course if I was would I admit? All I do know is I am not sexually attracted to black men. I do, however, find black women very sexually attractive, and that is quite evident, when I look at any story I’ve written, and the female is black. That said, I have been with men who were, Latino both kind of Asian and Middle Eastern. So, it's just a black thing.

Finally, I do want to say if some people might consider me a basic bitch, because I like cis gender white guys, then I am. I do have an autistic friend once say, being straight is boring, so maybe gay white guys aren’t that boring. Or maybe if I am on the market again, maybe I’ll look for a white guy who isn't from the UK, you know get an exotic white man next time. Who knows? All I know is I like who I like, and that should be enough for me, and the people I date. Unlike most I am not fetishizing them.

Xo FabEs