Serious (This Is Me)
Dear Friends,
As I continue on this journey of who I am, I have notice a few things about myself, people have pointed out to me. One of these things is some people think I am too serious all the time and I’m here to defend why that is true and not true.
First thing I’ll say is my natural expression is a serious look, not because I choose it, but since I have legit OCD, my mind is always thinking of something, and when one of those thoughts take hold, it hard for me not to concentrate on these thoughts. To some me having a serious looking face means I am unapproachable most the time, but if you knew me that’s not me.
However, I am a serious person a lot of the time. This is because I’ve always felt like I was older than I actually am, and you might have heard me say this once or twice. Sometimes what people find funny or amusing might not be my taste, and why I can have such a straight face some times. Maybe because of whom I am, or the way I was brought up I departmentalize when it’s time for business and when it’s time for leisure.
When I am working on something I know it’s time to be serious about what I’m doing. Even as I write this post I don't deviate from my own rules to get them done. It has to be a certain length, has to make a little bit of sense, and my dyslexia allowing be somewhat readable. I do this because to me it is important, and I do care. I don't care however, if there are a few typos because my learner disability isn't something I can control, I can only try my best. And I take that seriously.
It’s the same with my cake baking; I have gone back to basics because I am not capable of doing my cakes like I did before. I take it seriously because it is/was something I did well, and I want the skill to be back at its best. No matter how many times a cake hasn’t gone to well, and people say its looks well and taste good, to me if it’s not right it’s not right. I don't mean it as a perfectionist, it’s just this is what I want to be good at, so I want to be at my standard.
At my job I do that to best of my ability, and everywhere I have gone the word of being a serious worker has been thrown around a few times. I do it because at work, to me at least that’s where you should be serious about everything you do. Don’t get me wrong I laugh and joke at work, but that’s when I have the time to do so, not every minute of the day,
What I’m getting at is I am nonsense person. I like things to have their time and place, and for a while I have denied this side of my personality for some reason, as if it would make more people like me or talk to me. I know thinking that is wrong, a lot of people like me for the person I am, and so why I am trying to make people like the person I’m not?
In my own time and own world I don't have to be FabEs the master of all things serious. When I am on my own I’m free, and it allows me to be what I want. A lot that time is me wanting to be the little boy I used to be (it used to be so simple then). I know that I will never be of course, but I try my hardest to do it. I mean how many thirty year old's enjoy toy shopping? Or carry around a Buzz Lightyear water bottle? This is the way I show my fun side wherever I go. It’s just a same people automatically assume I always such a straight arrow.
Yes I do get annoyed by stupidity, people who use text abbreviations too much, and people who rather than writing words of encouragement use emoji’s (hate that shit!). I am still the person who makes turkey drummers and alphabets for dinner, so I can’t be all stern.
All I want everyone to take away is I can be serious and not so serious all time. Is the person I am, and if you’ve not seen the fun me why not? If anyone like me, thinks there are too one way or the other just do you, because I see nothing wrong being SERIOUS!
XO FabEs
