That Thing

Dear friends,

Here we are talking about sex, again. This time it’s with a sad tone. It’s about the times when you get chatting to a person, and you thought this could be it; only for them to just disappear. Or what can be worse, you’ve done something you’ve really enjoyed, only not to speak to that person again. Yes my friends, we are going to talk about what some people are only about.

As I only deal with men, I definitely know some of the things that go on with them. While also shedding a little of a negative light, on some other men I’ve had the displeasure of knowing. As I said a not too long ago, the association with men and sex is infamous. I won’t rehash anything here, but you know the story. Which why, the idea that men need sex is ridiculous. If we need sex, have problem. Then why is it some of the men I get talking to, always trying to get there end away? And not feeling any shame in doing so? I’m not saying that it’s everyone, but some people want their share and then some. Some because they like how it feels, and some because they feel shitty. But some, feel like it is the right to just hit and quit it; it’s just a sad state of affairs.

I know in the gay community there is a large culture of, hook ups being the norm. Where in which, if you don’t want to, “whats wrong with you?” I know there a lot of people who don’t like it, and I understand as I am one of them. Whereas, some of the men like the hook up, are doing so for various reason. One of the more annoying reason I finding is because of open relationships. Which is not something I’m against in theory, but also in theory, you have a partner go and shag him! Why do you need to have relations with other people? Other people I could be having relations with. Which for this reason, I tend not to get involved with people in them. As in the past I’ve had people tell they are in one, and the truth I’ve had sex with a married man who isn’t in one; or cheated on their wife. I would also be remised if I didn’t talk about the DL hook up as well. Some of these bisexual men, who are married, and go about having sex with men. Why, because they can’t get something from their wife. I’ll let you think about what that something is. From one or two of these guys, it’s not cheating because it’s a man. Make of that what you will.

Like is say, I don’t think the apps help things either. As many people on them seem to think that is all what the apps are made for. The idea being, going on there and you’re only there to get you quick fix. Which isn’t always the case. When I load up things like Grindr, Adam and Scuff, I only have to say hello to some, and instantly get, “I’m not looking for a hook up today” because that could be the only reason why I said hello. It couldn’t have anything to do with the non-sexual interests you listed on your profile. Or is it, you are looking for a hook but don’t see me a someone you normally would hook up with? Hmm it is a question. I know there are a lot of people out there, who say this as tactic to try and get laid.

There many tactics I’ve seen over the year in which some use to get someone into bed. Some are clever, some sneaky and some are just down dreadful. Like I said, I’ve had people tell me there are single, and then only to go to their home and see pictures of this man and another man on the walls. Of course this sends up some red flags, and then get the, “you don’t mind that I’m married do you?” Do I mind a bit. Wish I had known that before I came over.

One of the more annoying tactic of, “I am looking for, what you are looking for.” Like the guy a couple weeks ago who said he was looking for dates, friends and chats. Who surprise, surprise an hour or so later, decided to tell me actully he is looking for sex. The question becomes, why did you spend a couple of hours talking to me, if what I said, wasn’t what you really wanted? Maybe he was hoping that when he told me he true intentions, I would be like, “sure let’s get down.” Which is something I’ve never understood really. It’s quite bizarre the amount of guys who go to me, ‘I’m fucking horny, really need to…’ you can choose your own adventure there. My general question is, does this work? What I am I meant to do with that information? Am I meant to say, “okay I’m ready for you to sick it in.” I really don’t know, and if you are someone who has gotten this to work let me know.

To combat the terrible behaviour of people I have come up with some tactics of my own. I do this because I’m not against sex, far from it. I just want my sex to be with some what decent people. In the hopes that, I never feel used again. Which is why with a lot guys I tell them I don’t have XXX pics. This isn’t so much a tactic, but the truth. I don’t want my bits out in cyberspace any more. And a lot of times when I have said this I’ve been blocked. Another tactic I say is, I won’t have anal for a while. I’ve then gotten a few, ”whats the point in meeting then?” And of course, some blocks. Finally is the coffee meet. If someone is willing to meet you for coffee then usually their interests may not lie elsewhere, that one is usually a good bet.

Now the question is, if I or you have done all these things and met, what is the chance of meet them again? I’d say slim. Or course I have met guys done nothing to be a shamed off, and still end up ghosted. It wouldn’t be so bad, if people didn’t say things like, I’m speak to you later and never do. Or I’ll see you soon, talk to you for a few days afterwards then ghost you. Which is why as cynical as this sounds, whenever I met someone, I never expect them to reply or talk to me again. Then when they actully do, it’s a pleasant surprise. One I welcome. I’d like to say I have my hope ups and hope they will reply, but I’ve had it happen far too often, which is why I have my system. I would them to actully give me a chance, and not just think its one time deal. It doesn’t have to be romance, just a couple repeat customers would be nice.

I have always been aware that people can do bad things, it just sucks to me the length people will go to have sex. Which is why is crazy when people go, “I don’t pay for sex” maybe you should, it could save a lot of people the hassle. I mean it’s less effort, you know who and what you want. Best of all, there is no deceit or deception need to make it happen. What I do find funny though, in the times when I have felt like a good fuck might be a good idea I have gotten nowhere. Which is shame, because the guys who seem to want action, then, seem to have million excuses as why it’s not going to happen. Which is a shame, but I think I understand, you weren’t serious, or think you get do better. Spoiler Alert, it won’t always be that way.

Honest I’m not against people trying to get sex. I just wish that some people weren’t so despicable about it. I would much prefer the approach of, I like you, would like to fuck? That way you can have a nice response. What can I say, I like directness over coy anytime. Sadly, I don’t think it’s going away any time soon. Which is why I wish some people would have wank first, before hitting the apps.

Xo FabEs