Take Over Control
Dear Friends,
As you know, in adult life you have to be in charge of so much. Which is why a lot of us now as adults, want to go back to be carefree children. In my case, I am now responsible for so much in my own life, and the life of so many others around me. So much so, now I am aware I have to be so forward and to get shit done. Otherwise it’s not going to get done, because someone else isn’t going to do it for me. One area I wish I didn’t have to do it, is with men, dating and sex.
I know what some of you are thinking, are you talking about a Sub and Dom thing? No I’m not, I’m not kink shaming anyone. I’ve tried it, but what I’m talking about is people being a bit more forward about what they want, so I don’t feel like I always have to. Seems simple enough doesn’t it? I wish it was just that simple, sadly it doesn’t seem like to me. I have to be the on the make meets, initiate the first intimate touch, for it get going anywhere.
If you know me personally, you know that makes me a great friend, because I’m so OCD (legit) that I have thought about everything. You know I get shit sorted. So there is need to worry. I just wish with men I met they could be a little more forward on the up take.
A lot of my female readers are going to think, that just men though. You also I might be thinking, but you’re gay that shouldn’t be happening. Let me tell you, I have lived the experience with a lot of different people mainly men thought. I know it’s not all men, Insert the obvious eye roll. I might just had to do with the kind of men I attract. Just because we might be two dudes, it doesn’t mean things get done. That’s why there the joke I’ve heard Lesbian’s get shit done. Taking into consider what I’ve been through, I can understand why.
Since it’s me I have thought about it a lot. What do I mean about people taking charge, well gather round is story time. When I was writing Modern Romance (found here) I said how I got on the apps, and there was a guy I matched with, and we got on to WhatsApp, and then got chatting for a bit, then he decided to ignore me to watch TikTok. Then I was like, well he’s clearly more interested in social media than talking to me. Then a few months later I message him, and asked what the deal was. He told me that he didn’t get the idea from me I was interested. I then told him the same thing, and the he went, was meant to be then.
Of course I wouldn’t be who am if I didn’t think about this. That’s when I realised, this isn’t on me, this is on this guy. If you know me thought a dating, or similar, you know what I’m like. I have a thousand questions going through my head at once. To say I’m not interested is like when Chandler said, ‘It Was Like Flying With The Riddler!. To say it didn’t seem like I wasn’t interested is a mistake, and maybe a borderline character assassination. Of course, I can only think about things from my point of view, but to me it makes me think I wasn’t what this guy wanted.
I am aware of who I am, and how I look. To some people a 6’2” black dude can be intimidating to a lot of people. There might a bit of apprehension as to people wanting to approaching me. Even in bars the amount of time I’ve had people tell me I thought I was straight, is ridiculous! I know not everyone who goes to gay bars is LGBT+ but you know maybe come up and say hi, and see where it gets you. Also many of you will know I get message from guys, who go, looking, now ? You got a BBC? I am not talking about these kinda of guys. It’s a forwardness, but it’s very much is the kind of forwardness I’m after. I want the more traditional approach.
I would like someone to approach me in a nice way. Maybe with a, hey how you doing, get chatting and be really feeling this dude. Then I would love them to the say let’s meet this day, this time, and at this place. Which would allow me to be like, sure. Then during the meet they have a few questions to ask me or talking points. Of course I have questions. Then after whatever, invite me back theirs cool. Then in my head, they’re a gamer, then something on the lines of, whoever loses at Mario kart or whatever, someone has to give head or something. I Would be like yes, this is want. Then what follows is like porn, you wouldn’t believe.
What I don’t want, is someone umm, and arr. Spit it the fuck out! Tell me what you want me to do to you. Be forward. Don’t wait for me to make the first move. Bitch do something! I say this not be a bitch. I say it because I can honestly say at least 75% of all encounters with men has been due to me. As I am a forward person, but I’d I’ve for that be a little bit more even. Then I know someone else has got this, and I can relax.
What made me want to write this, there might a few people like me who think their lives are very them doing everything. What made me realise I did want to write this was a clip I saw on TikTok (irony) from Ali Wong’s stand up. Where she says, a lot of guys fuck that shit up. She is right. It’s either your nice and polite, or just super aggressive. You need someone who can go between the two. The clip is hilarious, some of the things are very extreme, but watch that clip and you’ll understand what I’m going on about. I mean generally, but the sex part, yes, yes please.
I know I have previously said I am bossy, and I am, but my god would I just love to know someone is taking care one part of my life. Of course, I don’t want someone who is going to ignore my feelings. I’d like someone who knows what I like doing and do that shit, so it gets done. Compared to the kinds of guys I meet who are like, I’m into what you like, and I do whatever you like. That’s boring. Tell me the shit you like, make me do it, and then after I’d either be up for more it, or not. Does this make me sound like a freak? Hells yes, and you know what I don’t give a fuck.
If you are someone who feels like I do get in touch, tweet me, slide in my DMs, or leave me a comment. Oh and hell yes tell me some of the freaky things you’d like to do to me.
Xo FabEs.
