Stick To The Status Quo

Dear friends,

As we know there has been some issue as to who I am, and am I the person I want to be? What I have notice, and you to dear reader there has been a lack of me knowing, and a lot self-doubt. I have been doubting who I am and what I am because I have feared being the person I am. I have too many times tried to be something I’m not. I have done this to be average person, and in the past, I have just been me. As I have accepted myself in recent times, there has been a strong feeling in myself to not be a part of myself, that makes up a large portion of my personally.

Many of you can testify to the fact I can be very direct, calculating and pedantic about what I do. For a long time, I have grown to see these qualities as my annoying side. Why have I seen them this way? A part of myself has made me feel like I should be. While I have let certain people, who didn’t like this side of me, made me feel bad about it. The idea of me being who I am isn’t okay. I now know these things are wrong. Therefore, since this lockdown I have realised me being me., has gotten me through it.

I’ve felt for a while now having a routine, and a certain way I structure myself meant I was boring and predictable. Those two words are words I hate to use to describe myself, because I like to think I am a lot more sporadic. However, what I have noticed I can’t have it two ways. At work I have always been so organised and on top of things it has always led me to succeed, but for some reason in my personal life going the same away about things is a bad thing. If it’s good for me professionally why then should it be bad for anything else?

When lockdown first happened, I didn’t know I how I would coupe. I thought I might go crazy, and just not be able to deal with not seeing anyone for months. However, after three months of this I can honestly say overall, I have been good. I have been good, because I did something I’ve always done, plan. The minutia I realised I need to be home to help my mum I planned and put it into motion, and it worked out.

As time went on, I stopped using a plan and that’s when things started to fall part. I was doing too much on the fly and I was able to coupe as well. As it has been pointed out, and I have noticed, when I have a plan, things work out. Even if the plan is not concrete, if I have a rough idea of what I must do I will be okay. It keeps me on track, it allows me to know what I should be doing. While at the same time allowing me to know I can feel good about what I have accomplished in a period.

For the last three weeks I have been writing out every single task I had to, and then going about ticking them off. Not only has this allowed me to see my day, it has allowed me to see how some days I do so much. This has allowed me to see I have 𝑥 number of things and it’s okay for me to take a break. If I didn’t get to one or two of these things done, they go on the list of the next day. This is something I used to employ a long time ago, but I stopped doing.

I stopped doing it as I previously mentioned, I didn’t want to be boring and predictable. Now I can see how me organising myself has allowed me to get through things faster. For me to know by me being organised it allowed me to know when I can slot thing is in between tasks. It has allowed me to be free rather than tied down. It has allowed my days to have a structure to them. it allows me to have mixed days of, domestic chores, university work, personal time, and daily essentials.

I want to say it has been someone’s outside influence which has made me stop being this way. I mustn’t tell lies! It has been me who has made me feel this way. I have made myself feel this way, when I was down, it made me feel this way. I felt like I was doing the same thing, I’ve felt the need to change things up. Now I wish I could back in time and slap myself for, because if I would have stuck with it, I might be in a better place. Also, the knowledge if I did have something come up, I know I have the time a space to be able to deal with it.

Recently I’ve had to start taking care of myself. By me not staying to what I know has been a major departure in me not having self-care. Now I know this is one of the many factors I need to do to keep myself going. Some people might be able to live one day to the next. I know I am not that kind of person, I need to know who, what, where when?

I need to stick the stuff I know and keep things how they are. Instead of me think it’s wrong or not working, but I know it is working. If you feel like you need to change your routine, I suggest you really think about it. It maybe working for you and you’re not really considering the benefits, just thinking of the negative like I was. If it’s truly not working out for you, it’s best not to stick to the status quo.

Xo FabEs