Frisky

Dear friends,

A few weeks ago, I told you all I was going to be writing some erotic fiction. However, as life has been a massive boner killer, I haven’t had time or the feeling to really give it the artistry it needs. For now, it is on the back burner, but it will come out before the end of summer. Which brings me to the topic of today.

As you know, I am single. As much as that’s a bummer, it has got me thinking a lot of about what I no longer have. One of the things I’ve realised I no longer have someone to throw my sexual impulses on. When I feel a certain way, I no longer have one person I could say something nasty to. once I used to have guys I could chat to on the regular, but as I had been with my bf for almost two years, most of those guys I have cut connect with. So, there is no one else I can go, take a dirty for me.

Now I have gone back to my life of looking on dating apps, and boy it isn’t enjoyable as it was once was. But I must do something to stop the feelings. With lockdown on there’s a big thing about people not looking to meet, which is a good thing. There has been an increase of people wanting more of the cyber stuff, which is annoying as I have previously said. Then of course I have had a few people asking me if I want to hook up, and wear “masks”.

Call me a romantic, but I don’t feel like any of this stuff is quite doing it for me. Yet inside me I still have a massive urge for man on man company. What am I to do? Pull a Joey and hit on my existing friends. Which of course didn’t really work as most of my friends are in relationships. For a spot of fun, I did ask for a friend’s fiancé’s dick pick. Then out of the friends who are single, I thought about it, and I don’t want to hit on them.

That’s when it hit me, due to the breakup there are a lot of emotions going thought me. A lot of which is natural, and some of them are logical. A natural one is, due to lockdown I have been missing intimacy. It what I was used to it, there is a big part of me still urging for it, because it was something I was used to. While I know logically, I am feeling frisky, because it has been three months since any interaction which is also natural. However, as we are living in unusual times it annoying.

Right now, I am more in a double vulnerable state. I am missing the intimacy of a relationship, while free to do whatever I want with a man. Due to circumstances, neither can be freed. Which is frustrating, and mentally confusing. I keep having thought of a nice spoon. While having very explicit dreams of me and many of the men I know. (Which I have given me ides for the erotica.)

When I am killing time on the apps, there is a question which keeps coming to mind. What kind of guy am I looking for? Am I looking for a guy to take me out, or am I looking for the guy who is DTF? Honestly, I don’t know, because there is a grey and unsure nature in both. If I were looking for someone to spoon and screw that might be hard line to toe, as some are very much for one and not the other. Then the question is who kind of look of a guy am I going for?

I know I said what my type was a few weeks back, but now I know the type, but what kind of guy am I looking for? Am I looking for the hot guy, the average guy, the geek guy or something completely different? I don’t know, when a few weeks ago I was certain. One thing I am certain, my standards have defiantly improved as not willing to take any racist size queen.

Sadly, I don’t know how this is going to go with me. I’d like to say I have to chatting to someone who is ticking all my boxes. Due to the current times and what’s been going on hasn’t made myself any easier in this respect. What I do know my constant craving has got me looking for something I feel like I need. Who is going to be the lucky winner, we’re just going to have to see.

Xo FabEs