Somewhere I Belong
Dear friends,
I have come to a junction in my life, I am currently out of work, and for the time being out of work isnt a bad thing. I’m out of work by choice. Which to some might sounds bit strange, but to me it make sense. Like all the things I do I have reason, and I thought why not write about so I can fully understand what I am doing.
When I completed my training course back in June, I had a series of mini panic attacks because I didn’t have work, and I had no way of supporting myself till I got one. I stressed myself out every day to look and find a job. I would keep widening my search till I found an English Teacher job. Some the locations included Essex, Hertfordshire, and Kent. Then I had a massive lightening bolt moment.
Yes, I need a job, everyone does once your turn a certain age. What I don’t need is any job that will take me. I need to find a job I like and can see myself doing for at least the next five years. Not something I am taking just to pay the bills, and then hate within the first year. Yes, I need to worry about cash, but there are ways I can handle it.
Since I started my course, I was able to get my finances sorted, and managed to get all my bills down to a more acceptable level. Now my monthly expenditure is a one third of what it used to be, and manageable. Since I was able to manage my finances, I was finally able to save some cash. As such, I have a reason to use them. Not for the original reason why I wanted to it, but it was there for, in case of an emergency. Which I’m grateful to have since I don’t need to go to the job centre.
What does all this mean? It means I can take some time to find my perfect job. Where I get to look through all the jobs that are coming out, I can choose what I want. Even if they want me, I don’t necessarily need them. I can consider my job in terms of, subject matter, staff, students, and distance. Which is why I’m not going to rush my decision. More importantly no one can force my hand either. Which brings me to what happen a couple weeks ago.
A couple days ago I got put into a position of getting a job by someone who knew me way back when. Now when I went to the school it was ticking a lot of the boxes, and when I went through the process everything seemed like it would work out. That was until, I went home. In which the journey took me way too long, and it wasn’t even rush hour. In case you are wondering, it was two buses and two trains. If I had my licence (more to come about that later) it wouldn’t be a problem. After serious consideration and thought, I can’t in my heat take it. As I know spending two and half hours at day, twelve and half a week, fifty hours a month on travel. It would ruin me mentally. Which we should know by now is very important to me.
When I think about the jobs I’ve had, I can’t really say for all them I loved. If I were be honest, I only really liked three of the jobs I’ve had. Which is sad cos if you were to look through my CV you would see the number of jobs I’ve had, it’s quite poor. As I said before I took some of them out of desperation, or out of pressure from someone else. Which is also the same reason, why I stayed in some of those jobs as long as I did. Which is why I don’t want this trend to continue.
I know some people would think I am a dreamer, and yes I am. I just think in modern times when we should be worrying about our own mental welfare, I should be doing the same before I even start a job. It might mean it takes me some time to find one, but I feel like I have enough to keep me going to Christmas, and in the meantime, I can do sample work. By doing supply work wherever I can get it. That way continually exposing myself to different school systems. Showing potential schools, I wasn’t too scared to get into the educational system.
Like always I’ve had massive bouts of self-doubt, and even tuning down a job that has been offered to me. I’ve had massive mention turmoil over if I am doing the right thing. then through the magic of television I got some advice. When I know, I will know. This wasn’t the right job for me. it doesn’t mean I am going to give up. it just means I am not going to settle for more than what I want. Which is something I’ve done in other aspects of my life. Why do I not apply the same principles to my work life? Maybe because I am idiot!
All I know friends is, as I write this, I have a plan and I know what I must do to get a job. I must just keep my head and heart true, and it will show me the right way. I can’t let things that will not matter in the long run, ruin, or run my life. It’s time to put me first, and I shouldn’t settle than less that what I’m worth, and what I want.
XO FabEs
