Side To Side
Dear friends,
I don’t know why in life we must think about things as one or the other. When you think about it, a lot of things we have in life it’s a binary. Its either this or that, it could never be this, that or other. When we think of something, it must be out of two options which is annoying. When I think about gay sex there is this label of top or bottom, which is a dumb because they are many different levels to both. However, one thing people never realise is someone can be neither.
If you’re in the know, you know there is a term being used to described people who do not like to do anal. Which we call a side. Which is something gays need to know about and stop asking people if their a top of bottom. It should really go; top, bottom, versatile or side. Giving someone a great deal of variety and allow people to know they don’t have to be one or the other. Hell, it even shows you’re educated about the fact some people don’t have mainstream sex.
What is mainstream sex? Well, when I think about, I think it’s something people expect everyone to do. Like everyone would expect you to suck a dick. Which is weird to me because in gay culture which I have spoken about before, sucking a dick is more commonly accepted than kissing a guy. If I were to give mainstream sex a definitive identifier, I would say its anything you see in porn.
When you think of the sex you have, or had, how much of it is copied from porn? Try to be honest with yourself, it most likely most of the time. Which is why I feel is the reason why we think of gay sex as one thing or the other. I’m not going to say there aren’t other things that are made into porn, but the big sellers are all anal. As such, myself, and many others, when we were younger the first instances of gay sex, we see is anal. Which kind of cause this problem. I know there a lot of different kinds of porn out there, but it just shame that lot of it, tells impressable youngest this is what you must do, to have gay sex.
Which is a shame, because it can cause this idea that if you don’t do anal you are some what less than. It connects to his idea of conformity, that to be a normal gay man you need to have anal. If someone was not having anal, they are not normal, which is a fucking travesty. I of course know people are different and enjoy different things. Which is why I have stopped asking people top or bottom and just ask their general interest, but still get people telling me they’re a bottom. That doesn’t tell me anything.
Which is why I have been more upfront with people about not always needed to have anal sex to have a good time. When I think about some the good sex, I’ve had all my life, some of the better experiences didn’t include anal. Why? Maybe because it was just something I’ve grown to like. Anal doesn’t mean a good time. Which is why I want a lot of people to know anal isnt be all and end all.
Which is why when I went about researching this post, I asked a few of my friends wither of not if they could give up anal. What did make a nice surprise was that 80% said they could. Which is good, as I feel like hopefully in the next few years people will start to leave behind this idea of one or the other.
Let’s talk about sides for a minute. These are people who don’t like to do anal they enjoy doing everything but usually. Now a lot of people even in this modern age still feel these people are weird. When really what everyone does in their bed is down to them to choose and consent. If someone idea of a good time is just sucking someone off, then what’s the harm? Or if they just enjoy just jerking someone off what the harm in that? It all comes down to choice, and I feel as a people we shouldn’t automatically assumed. I feel like that it should be done with within the gay community. As not everyone is the same and we need to start celebrating. Which is why if you used the apps and someone doesn’t list what their position is, this might be someone indicating they are side.
What I would like everyone to take away is, the idea we never know what a person might like. Also, the gay community needs to normalise the idea not everyone likes anal. When we can do that and enjoy people who are different and take away anal sex as the normal gay sex experience.
Xo FabEs.
