Sexy & I Know It (Take 2)

Dear friends,

What is sexy? How do you define it? is it one of those things you know when you see it? or is more like, everyone has a different idea of what is sexy. A decade ago I wrote about how I was sexy and I didn’t know it. Ten years later I can finally say that I with out a shadow of a doubt I am sexy, and I sure as hell know it.

Ten years ago I wrote about how I realised there were a lot secret attributes I like about myself, and could make me attractive to people. Then I wasn’t exactly sure of myself and I had to big myself up to kind of believe it. Now however, things have changed, I don’t have to believe the hype, It is real. What has changed in the last ten years? Well my mind and body, which why I will be separating this into two section, and tell why its all changed.

MIND

My thinking about myself has changed in the last ten years. I used to think I was (if I’m going to use a number system) 5 at best. Why did I think this way? Well it was bullying at school that made me feel that way. I liked to tell myself it didn’t bother me, but I now know better. The comments of people saying I was ugly, and I have this and got to me. Not in a way I would have admitted when I was younger, but now as an adult I know why these things happened. However, as an adult I understand why all this happened, and it doesn’t make it better, it just is shitty it happened to me, and many other people out there. One thing I do know, I see some these people around, and I think, you used to be hot, WTF happened!

Another thing that happened with my mind, is the way I saw the men I attract. I used to think that because I wasn’t too high on the look department, I was getting similar men of my kind. When I think about it, I think a lot of the guys I used to get with I got with because, they made me feel a certain way, and some which weren’t that attractive. I should also point out, if you are someone I’ve dated, I’m not talking about you; I’m talking the real early days stuff. Though there was this weird thing I noticed though.

Every now and again I would get like a really hot guy, you know, a 8 or 9, if you will. When this use to happen I used to think, they are just having a laugh. They are trying to use me, but then when I asked them to meet there was super up for it. Then afterwards I kept on thinking, why did that happen? I am not special. Which is a terrible thing for anyone to think about themselves. As I say, I have grown now, and now I realised something. To a lot of people I am sexy.

Yes this is hard to believe, but yes, the person who is reading this, to a lot of people you are sexy, and some times you just got to accept that. I know its hard to accept, but it happens. What’s even more crazy is when the person who finds you so attractive is some you’d never think would be into you. Over the course of time I have gotten used to this idea. As I have had my fair of really hot guys (ex-flatmates can testify to this) and now I just accept it. Because I know, someone who might be slight hotter, knows it too.

However, don’t ever think that sexiness is all looks. It comes down to personality too. Which is something I know we all got, but no is blown away by personality at first. But in my case its what gets me there. I am a very forward and confident person when it comes to guys. I have no issue with approaching some who so might say is way out my language, and hit them with FabEs magic. While some of the guys who approach me have said on many occasions, (I know that doesn’t sound good) said, they find my honesty sexy. To which I normally come back with a, very sarcastic comment, and get a laugh and it just works. Which is why I got a date with the muscular dude everyone was checking out. I’m sexy bitches!

BODY

I would be a fool not to mention how my body has changed in the last ten years. It has been this ongoing thing where I have been trying to get my self smaller. This has always been the plan, and about ten years ago I was doing it for the wrong reason. I thought if I was to lose weight I’d get more guys. Stupid comment I know, but that’s what I thought. When you get hit with so many you’re not my type comments, you can only take it a couple of was. Its either, my race, my size or I’m just plan ugly. Which is when I started to workout and join a gym I was doing it to get myself to a body type I thought everyone wanted. Or course this turned out to be wrong.

Not only did I have an major issue with my weight going up and down throughout the years. I also learned something about myself. I was the only person who had an issue with my weight. Well me and NHS. But some people a lot more diverse in what kind of guys they like. Which, when you’re younger you don’t really think about. Actully I think a lot of older people don’t realise this too. There are people who are into all different kinds of bodes, and I know we should all know that by now.

For the longest time I’ve always thought I had to look like a twink to get people to notice me. I have to slim and hairless, when in truth being me as got doing okay so far. I mean I’ve been rejected by people, because I wasn’t there type, and there type was extremely hairy. The thing with this of course you can never know what someone type could be. Which is why I’m a firm believer in, I like this person I’m going to give it a go, because they might like me. You never know.

Last time I said I thought I was attractive because of my height and voice. I still believe those things about me, but now I have a stronger confidence in myself. Mainly because I how I feel about myself, and how I see myself.  I no longer see myself a 5, I’m a mofo 8. am I not a 10 because I’m not perfect, but I’m good enough. I don’t think that way cos I am deluded, I think that way because I love myself, and I know I’m worth it. I’ve got a lot to offer that isnt just looks. I’ve got mind boy and soul, and I think if you believe in yourself why can you believe your own number.

It genuinely makes me sad, when I hear the people I care about put themselves down. They think there not worth of a particular person, or feel bad about themselves. I hate to think of the amount of people I know who think there are unattractive. Wither it is body or mind. Well all have sex qualities we just need to realise what they are and expect the people who love us for them.

I am also very aware that I didn’t mention race in this post, because I feel that’s a topic for another day. As I know too many people that is what makes them most attractive to others.  

If you are reading this, and you don’t think or unsure if you are sexy. I want you to go look at in a mirror and say one thing you like about yourself. It’s an easy exercise to recognise some of you better qualities, and if they happen to be superficial that’s’ great. Sooner of later you will start find what other things make you feel sexy. Then before you know it, you’ll be like me, and be sexy and you know it.

Xo FabEs