Seeing Words

Dear Friends,

my friends, some of you may or may not beware of this, but I have a learning disability. Some of you are aware of it, or if you happen to just find this out, I am going to be very honest and direct about it. I have dyslexia, which is quite common, and what I like to tell people I am a high function dyslexic. Which means, I can read fine and read at quantity without issue. Unlike most the textbooks I have read, I dont suffer from a lot of the issue most dyslexic people do. However, it does mean when I write I skip words, as my mind is faster than my hands. When I read back things, I’ve wrote I may not see mistakes I have made, as my mind constantly fills in the gaps of things that may be missing. Which is something I have learned to overcome.

Ever since I left academia, I never really told many people about my issues. Mainly because I saw it as a school thing, and in the real world it doesn’t affect me much. Yes, I might write the occasional e-mail and text message wrong, but most people wouldn’t think of it more than common error. It only really became an issue with one job, and with said job it cost me the position because of it. At the time I was really upset and hated myself for it. I hated myself for being stupid, which is a bad thing because I know I am not stupid. Far from it I am very smart and able, but me having a job where I must do a lot of reading retyping and do all those things fast isnt something I can do every day. Which is now something I have accepted.

Now that I have returned to school I have now noticed how if I was able to think about my situation in a different way, I might have a different outcome of life. Which is something a lot of people dont know, I didn’t know I had needs till I was about fifth teen. Which if you're familiar with the English school system means it was very late in my educational carer. Which is why they would call me high functioning as, back then they just thought I rushed my work, and couldn’t spell too good, but was very bright and in higher sets for everything. However, in a short amount of time there was no way for me, and the experts to help me find out how I needed to learn, and what methods would be beneficial to my learning. Now seventeen years later, I know how I work around my needs, and it allows me to succeed in ways I wouldn’t have before.

That's my background towards my SEN needs, it has now allowed me to see being a teacher with a need that a lot of students may have; is something that makes me special, but in no way makes me feel like I am master on the subject. However, I think knowing the idea that I’m stupid because I am making the same mistake is something I can relate to and show how with growth and determination you can make something for yourself. 

Now let’s talking about one the things people dont know about me, and the way I think and see things. As I said I have read a lot of books about people like me. They say it’s just the way my brain grows over time, and they aren’t sure how or why it happens. Which to be honest sounds like a lot of the things about me. By reading these books it has allowed me to notice a of my behaviour and why I do things is common among dyslexics. One of these is seeing words, which is interesting becuase I didn’t realise it was different.

For as long as I can remember back to a child, I can always remember seeing a picture when I thought of or heard a word. I never told anyone because I thought this was normal. I know this isnt now, but to me is so normal because I have never known anything else. It was such a shock when I first read that people usually thinking in words not pictures. The idea was so alien, that to this day I dont know that works. Is it words like on a page, or is just words they say inside their head? I honestly dont know, if someone could tell me, please do becuase it was something I want to know. For me I saw pictures and these pictures have changed over the course of time. 

One word I know that has changed over time is home. When I was younger, I used to see a picture of my mum hugging me as child. As sweet as it is, that’s what my mind saw as a home. As time went that picture changed, when I dont know, but these days I see the actual outside of my house. Which is strange it changed as time went on, but I guess it happens.

The fact I see pictures in my head all day is one way I’ve noticed is why I’m so specifics about some things. I need to have a clear picture in my head otherwise I can’t really understand. Like when someone says loads, that’s hard for me to picture becuase it isnt precise. If I was to say twenty eggs, my mind could easy depiction that, but with vague number gages it’s hard for me to know. I would love to tell you guys about a few other words that I know pictures of, but a lot of the time it comes as quickly as it goes, and even some words a now just words on a flash card. Weird, I don't know but it is what it is. 

One new thing I didn’t know until recently was the way that people like see numbers and time. I dont remember what the book said, but it did make me realise something about myself. When I think of a number, I can see it in sequence and its distance from zero. Same with time. I can see the days of the week in a sequence, as well as months years decades and centuries. It’s really, really weird actually; when I try to describe it, but the best way to express this would be, going to you calendar and keep press backwards and forwards and see how the sequence changes. This is also something I have done from a young age.

This won’t be the last time I will speak about my dyslexia, one day I’ll talk about my memory, and how I learn. but for now, I hope people can understand why I am so visual. While also why sometimes I must constantly ask things to understand just so I can see a clear picture in my head. If you have anything you want to ask me please do so, I’d love to hear them. As for now I hope you enjoyed, and BTW I don't like emojis as there nothing like the way I picture things. 

Xo FabEs