Age Ain't Nothing But A Number
Dear Friends,
Another year has passed and now I have reached level 34! Which I am more than grateful for, as some people who will never get to this age. Which is why I am thankful for every year I am able to be on this planet, even if it is slow going to shit. But what can you do? I just say, roll with the punches. Today I’m going to be doing a little two parter. Okay, let's strap in and let’s go.
Part 1: Nothing But A Number
Another year has passed, and really in my head it feels like I have been through so much that my age doesn’t really reflect the actual age I am. I mean 2020 felt like it was three or four years, not one. However, I have taken most of 33 out of work, and in that time I have done a lot of growing, and maturing. If you read here often you will know what I am talking about. As such one of the things I have done with this one year of life is get a real grip on my mental state. Even though I think I am more than capable of knowing when I am going to have an issue. I still like to be able to know that I should be able to handle myself. Which I think I've done quite well. I have been able to see what is going on with my life, and correct the things I don't like. I also decided what kind of people I want to know. I think more importantly put myself forward.
When I think about myself and the 33 years I have been on this planet, I can’t think of any time I really truly put myself forward that wasn’t due to someone informing me of my actions. Such as, worrying about my family, or other people I know. I can’t remember when I thought I just wanted this for me. In the past I know I have linked this to my birthday and stuff, but I know I need to start putting myself a lot more, rather than always considering other people’s feelings. Which is why it makes me think how my life might be different if I had a slightly different personality. If I was to put myself first, would I be different? Would I be more ahead in my career? Would I have a whole different career? I don't know, but it would be interesting to take a peek.
What does all this have to do with age? Well a lot of people have realisation at different ages of their lives. I feel like I have one every 5 or so years. I see where my life is going, and not going and correct it. Which is okay, generally, because I think as people we should always try and improve ourselves no matter our age. It’s just a number. I think over what I have decided to do, is stop but my age against life goals.
You know what I’m talking about, by this age I should be this. I’ve seen a lot of this on social media, that at my age I should be married and have kids, own a home etc, etc. Well fuck that. Some of us may not be in the frame of mind. Or in my case, I've got a lot of mental health issues. I have to work though, and sometimes that’s hard enough. Which I now realise is me dealing with it, is just enough to be getting on with. I mean it would be nice if i could go the next year without a major incident. Then I would be getting close to two years with a major incident. Then maybe I should be worrying about the other things I supposedly needed to have.
Like a job, some people might think because I am close to mid 30’s (1 year y’all) that I should be panicking, and worrying about making money and being financially stable. I used to think like that, but now I don't. I want to worry about getting through the years with more days where I feel like myself and feel happy with myself. Making money is just something we have to do, because of the society we live in. I need to be okay with the person I am first, and worry about the rest after. While still having fun of course.
From this point onwards I am not going to worry about being X age and not this and that. More importantly, I won't compare myself to other people. I know I do that a lot, and I look at the people who are in a position I think I want, rather than people who are like me. Like me, they have a lot of trauma, they are still working out, and some days don't know how to get out of bed. Rather than someone who lives who hasn't had half the experiences I have had. You heard it here first folks.
Part 2: Throwing Down Ain’t Nothing But a Thing
As I am a man of a certain age there are some people a really put a label on it, which is so fucking annoying. You know what i am talking about. The person who says they won't date a certain person over a specific age. Or that give really juvenile reasons as two why they wont do a thing. I mean grow up, and stop worrying about other people.
For as long as I can remember I have always been into older men. That's not a secret, it's just something that is just known among my friends. Why? Simple reason, I have the mental capacity of someone much older than myself. However, that doesn't mean that I discriminate against people who are younger. I do believe it’s right out discrimination, no matter how much you try and justify it. I don’t do this because I work around young people, and some people at the age of 11 or 12 can have a very mature view of the world. Which is why I liked to think about myself 10 years ago, so why Jude?
Some people like to think of age with the view of deteriorating, getting older, slower and uglier. Which is no one's fault really, just how the media has portrayed things and distorted our ideas of reality. In others, they have made us superficial. When in truth, there is so much more to a person than how they look. I mean some people look at me and wouldn’t think for years I had an issue with constantly thinking I would be better off killing myself. And that was happening to me at twenty one, a lot of people find that unbelievable. Which why now when I am looking for guys, if they have something about age, that is very much discriminatory against an age group, they are not for me. It's a number, and if you're going to judge someone on age first personality third or forth then it's clear we are no match. Why? Because I know that very soon, we will have a disagreement on many things I find easily understandable. Or something that has been constructed by society.
Another thing I find super annoying is people who think lying about their age is going to get them somewhere. I know people, and they know who they are, who lied to me about their age, and we were just friends. What was the purpose of the lie? To try and get younger guys. Which is not great that so many people do it. If someone is going to have a hang up about you being a certain age, then that is their problem. And no level of hotness is going to make that person a better person. Also what do you think is going to happen when people find out?
Like the guy I got chatting with, who was into video games, and when I asked him about it he tried to impress me by saying he got into gaming with the PS2. Which I was like, oh that’s cool I remember it fondly. Then I went on to say I started with the Megadrive, then corrected myself to the commodore 64, then suddenly he told me about its previous model, which I had no idea about. When I asked, why did he say the PS2? He said, didn't want to seem too old, by knowing more beyond my assumed knowledge, and having taken about 5-6 years off of his profile. Which was a shame, because I went full on shame on you mode, and then said, if he would have been honest with me I would have shown him, I know my shit about video games. After that he didn't want to talk to me, so his loss.
All I'm going to say is, the concept of age is as much a societal thing, as anything we worry about. It’s something you have to put more stock into the idea of what you’re doing, rather than thinking about how friends, family and others are going to react. If you like a person and their age is visibly different, don't worry. At least you know, the person you’re with, the real reason you’re with them, whatever that may be. And if that upsets a few people, then maybe they need to check themselves.
As I start 34 it is time to put FabEs first, and do what I like. I have ideas they might change, but I am still going to be me. And let's see what this season has to offer.
Xo FabEs
