No Scrubs

Dear friends,

First of all, I want to apologize if I end up spamming this post with memes, but I think they will be necessary. The reason being, in the year of our lord 2024, I decided, as everything is going okay, that I should really try dating. Boy, was that a mistake.

It wasn’t something I was planning on, really. It was something that I thought would sure be nice if I could actually go on a date with a person. I mean, I haven't really tried in a long time, so I thought why not. It could lead to something. There goes my optimism working against me. Let me say, it didn't work out. For once, though, I have to proudly say it wasn’t my fault. It was due to the other people. But let me back up before I get ahead of myself.

I decided just before the last half term that, since I have some time off, let me try to fill it in the company of some men. As this is the modern age, and I’m an antisocial millennial, I decided to reinstall the dating apps. A few of the proper ones, and one or two of the smutty ones, because you never know. I honestly thought it would take me a while to get noticed for the right reasons. However, it wasn’t long until I matched and messaged some nice guys. Then things took a turn really quickly.

As it turns out, people don’t know how to communicate. Which shouldn't be a surprise as I work with teens who don’t know how to live without their phones, but it turns out people my age or older don’t know how to talk. One of the many things that happen is, you ask someone about their day, and then there is no returned question. There is no, "How was your day?" or "I hope your day went well." It’s just like hitting a brick wall. Then you have to force the conversation. I held back once or twice from saying, “My day was long, thanks for not asking” till eventually I said it to one guy and blocked him. It was clear to me that he wasn’t interested in talking to me.

Issue number two comes with people who actually do know how to talk to you. I like to keep things light at first because, from years and years of experience, it’s only a matter of time before it turns into something smutty, and they are asking to see your dick. With one guy, though, we had been speaking for about a week, which was good. Then I asked to move things to WhatsApp. We talked in the morning before I got to work, and then as my workday is like, #!”#!!#??**$. I decided to message him on my way home, a simple “Hey, how was your day?” Blocked. On WhatsApp and on whichever app it was. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because my display name said "sexual chocolate" in Korean? Maybe, but I couldn’t tell you for certain.

Then there was this other guy. I had spoken to him earlier this year. I didn’t really get the feeling he was interested in me. He found me on one of the smutty apps and decided to tell me that seeing a certain picture of me got him hard. And I was like, I think that’s meant to be flattering. However, it turned out that’s where his interest in me ended. As I told him I wasn’t really looking for that kind of thing, he retorted that he wanted to get to know a person and see where it goes. Being me, I asked, "Anything you want to ask me?" "Not really," was his reply. I just simply came back with, "Let’s not," and all he said was, "Okay."

The thing is, I wish it was just me this was happening too. I’ve heard from friends, and seen on socials, about people who are trying to do the dating thing and they are getting matched and meeting people who don’t really like them. Or people who say they want to date, but claim they don’t know what they are looking for. It makes no sense. All I keep thinking is these guys are losers. I shouldn’t say that, but that’s how I feel. Not that I’m a winner, I am just more mindful.

I am aware that some people can’t talk for shit. I am aware that too many people copy what others do to get results. I am aware that some lie just where they want. But none of that is okay. If you are looking to date someone, you should be open to a lot. Dating people who aren’t your type. Remembering you need to actually be able to talk to a person. Maybe, and just maybe, reflect on what is going wrong. I mean I do. As there comes a point where you’ve got to ask yourself, is it me?

Now I don’t ask myself that question a lot anymore. I know I’m likable. I always have something to say or ask. I’m willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing too much? Am I giving too much of myself away? Sometimes I think yes, and sometimes, I think I am giving enough. It all depends. I am just a single person trying to make it in this world, and I think maybe that might be it.

I don’t mean that in a woe is me kind of way. I know most of us think we should be going through life two by two. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe, I should enjoy my games, books, and LEGO and settle into that kind of life. I mean, I am happier that way. Also, this isn’t the part where I want a pep talk. It’s just me being honest, for some people it works and for some people it doesn’t. I think I am honestly okay being one of those people.

I do think there is one thing I do know. I am not ready to just settle for something that isn’t going to make me happy. Whether that’s just dating someone because there is an interest. Or staying with someone because it’s better than being alone. I want someone who likes me for the good me and the bad, the dark me and the happy me. Who can talk to me, still want to have sex with me in 20 years, and live their life with me. It might seem like a big ask, but I don’t think it is. I might have to go through a few people, but in the end it’s worth it. What I don’t want is some scrub to get into my pants, just because they find me hot. Earn it!

However, as my work keeps me pretty busy and tired, I don’t have to really worry about this kind of thing too much. It comes and goes. It comes when I watch BL and I think I want that. It goes when I have married people hitting on me. I just think it’s good to have standards, I don’t see anything wrong with waiting until those are met.

Xo, FabEs