Have A Party
Dear Friends,
When I originally came across the title for this post in my plans, I couldn't remember why I had it. After some consideration I finally figured out what I could use the title for. I still don’t remember what my original idea was about, but now it doesn't matter. In the end, it's more important I end 2024 on a good post.
This year was the end of a generation of my family within the world. As sad as that is, it made me realise a few things. Nothing too sad, mostly some of the normal things I think about. Life and death, and all that. However, it did make me think more about my position in life, and if it is good. Of course it is, but it made me realise something, I am truly privileged to live the life I live. The bad and good. It's all relative. I say this because my granddad came to this country hoping for a better life. If he did have a better life, I can never ask him. What I do like to think about is, he properly wanted a better life for his family. Which included my mum, and when the grandkids were born he wanted us to have a better life. Which I think I finally do.
I know throughout my life he told me to keep up with my schooling, and make the right choices. At the time, I never got it, but now I do. It's so that my life could be better than his. Not to say his life was bad, but I get the idea. It's to make the migration from our home country to England worth it. Which is something I've been thinking about a lot. A lot of my students constantly write about coming to England to have a better life. I used to wonder why? Now I get it. We’re free, it's easier to live. If you really want to make a go at it, you can get somewhere. Which is why I think to myself these are some bravest people to really try. and have the best life possible.
Even though it has taken me a long time to do something with my career, I am lucky to have it. Mainly due to a lot of the difficulties I have suffered personally and academically. Also just figuring it out. But now I sit with a privilege that I wouldn't have if all those years ago, they didn't get on a boat and come here. Not only would it not exist, but it would mean so much would have changed. Not that I want to get bogged down with philosophical ideas, it's just one of those things.
So why should I have a party? Well because even though that generation is no longer here, and some places around the world are going to be turned into not so nice places. I should celebrate the fact that I am here, and I am living their dream. The dream of the family doing better. Learning how to be better and do better.
The sad reality of it is, I am most likely not going to have anyone to continue my legacy on. Which is fine by the way. It just means because of what they did I can feel free to be me. The me that is queer as F**K! The me that is sitting in a room teaching people how to write sentences. Chasing the better life just like my grandparents did, and many others have.
If anything I have made my life something, and without a lot of the people who put in the time and effort to get us here, none of this would be possible. While also thinking about a lot of people I have met throughout my life, and how they have similar stories. It makes me wonder if they know they have achieved something? I know I have. Not just because I feel like I am making a decent living, more because they did all this for me. I know what I am doing would make them proud. While also letting them know they made the right choices, your family did good, and we hope to continue it.
I mainly wanted to write this because now there is a line named after us, The Windrush Line. It's nice to know that the people who came here and do so much for the country are recognised everyday. That people of colour do matter, and that even though sometimes it might not seem like a big deal to us now, to someone it was the point of their whole journey.
This Christmas, I am going to celebrate like I always do, big, flashy and bold, because two people made the decision to leave their little island. And I want to say, Granddad, Grandma thank you for making a decision that helped me be me. Without you I would not be, and we’re going to celebrate you, and have a party in your honour. Rest in peace.
XOXO FabEs
