Jack Your Body

Dear Friends, 

During this trying time there has been a lot of thoughts that have been going through my head. 2020 was the year I was meant to work out and get myself into a space where I finally feel a little bit more comfortable about my size and weight, but so far life hasn’t been that kind to me. 

At the start of the year, I had a major mental health issue and it caused me a lot of issues in getting motivated to eat correctly, and to exercise. So much so, I joined and quit the gym again, and just waited for things to get back to normal. When March came, I was like, right, everything is working now it's time to work on my body, and we all know what happened there.

That’s where my thoughts have been turning over, the at home workout options. I know there have been a lot more people working out at home to either stay in shape, or a way of getting exercise since we’re not moving about. For me however, the motivation to do all of this has dwindled. And there is a reason for that. 

Back in my uni days, I used to work out using video games to help me gain that confidence. I did a lot of these games to death, so I’m not motivated to use them. I know many people during this time use their old Wii Fit to help them keep fit, but I know that isn’t enough to keep me going. 

It has been a long struggle to accept my body type. As I have looked into it, I know my body type is Endomorphs. It means I put on muscle easily but lose weight slowly. For me to get to the size I want I need to do a lot more work on, building muscle to help burn the fat on me. Even though I know this, the reason why I wanted to write about this was, some people have mistaken who I am. 

Thanks to google, I have been able to look at the kind of way I want to look. one the things I figured out was that my body size is closer to a rugby or American football player. With that in mind I have looked at a lot of those kinds of guys workouts. Knowing it will allow me to lose weight and tone me. However, one or two friends I have shown this ideal too, have stated I have to put on a lot of muscle. 

That was the part that got to me, why do I have to put on muscle? Looking a lot of these guys we seem very similar. I feel a lot of people think they look quite huge and muscular, but it's the way their body is. Which is the way I am. Then it got me thinking, does any really see my body size?

I wear a lot of clothes that show off my slim arms, but that is for the larger tops I must wear to get over my shoulders and chest. Which to some might be deceiving. In truth my torso is quite wide and thick. When I look at myself in the mirror, I can see what I would look like if I were to lose the weight. I will still be wide and have my fat ass thighs. But what really got me down, was do they see that as impossible? 

I know my body transformation is going to happen by magic, but it still doesn't give me doubts about my prospects. I wish I could end this on a happier note, but it has got me worried that maybe I am deluding myself. I know I can put in the time and effort, and I am not going to look like a movie star, but I would like to be a little leaner. I just hoped some people would believe in me, and excited about the idea, as I feel this is the first time, I have picked a realistic goal working out wise.

Maybe I should kick this self-doubt and see what works for me.

Xo FabEs