I Ran

Dear friends,

I’ve always thought of myself as non-sporty person. A lot of this didn’t have to do with me personally, it had to do with what was forced upon me. Which is a shame, I know sadly I’m not the only who has had this kind of up bringing. Over the course of my life I thought my being gay had something to do with it. My oh my, do I know it’s so wrong to think.

As an adult I now realise I do enjoy a bit of sport, and sometimes this enjoyment can surprise me. I’m still a wrestling fan, which makes me realise I’ve been a fan of it for over twenty years. I do enjoy sport just a little bit. However, what I do know is people always wanted me to enjoy football.

How can I explain my distain for football? I dont know but think about five negative words and I think it could sum up my feelings. I think my hatred of it is kind of what made me the person I am today. If I wasn’t so forced, I might have been a different person. I might be more athletic.

Since I’m at a school all day, I see a lot of PE lessons and I can’t help but think, ‘boy hasn’t this changed.’ When I think back to my days, all we ever did was football, football, football. It was like it was the easiest thing to do. It was like boys like this, so why not do it for every lesson. Which I know was lazy planning, and the easiest option. If someone had considered doing a little more with it, I might have found a passion. Instead all I did was run away from it since it was the same every time.

The thing is, I know I’m not the only person who has felt this way. A lot of the time the sports we enjoyed doing, were only done so short term we never got a chance to enjoy what we were doing. Then it was back to the simple programme of kicking a ball around. Which sucked so much, I dont even know how to describe it. Which is why I look at the kids and thing about the jealousy I have.

I am jealous as they do so many different things I might have enjoyed when I was younger, but now I enjoy. One thing I have found out recently I would love to join either a wrestling club, or rugby club, why? Because they are things I might enjoy doing, while also keeping myself active. Of course, due to current circumstances this is on hold, but it would be great if I could.

Of course, some of the blame must be on me. I know that, but I think when I think about the larger picture it was the responsibility of an adult to engage me in something. Which is such a shame it didn’t happen. Now I enjoy going to the gym, running, and doing all the other things which is regarded as fitness. Which gets me thinking because I think a lot.

If I was more engaged with sport and fitness would I look the same? Would I be more active, would have going in a completely direction? These are the question I ask myself from time to time. As we all know it’s quite easy to be lazy, but what I know about myself is, when I’m interested in something, I’m not lazy. I like to think there is a version of me who was so sporty, and its’s what I’m known for. Hell, I’d settle for a version of myself that could do long distance running.

I will never know what my life could have been like if I ran marathons, rather than running away from PE. It’s just one of those things where I know the psychology, but I will never know the true answer. If you are like me, who didn’t enjoy a certain sport being pushed on you let me know. I know we’re older now, but we still can wonder, what if?

Xo FabEs