Feeling Myself

Dear Friends,

Following on from my last post I am going to be talking about me some more, so I hope you don’t mind. Like I said I will be explain a lot more of self, and of late I have been feeling myself so much that I love it. (And I don’t mean masturbating). No I have gained these little things called; confidence, self respect and appreciation. These things have now allowed me to be happy. While at the same time make me feel like I’m shit.

For those that don’t known, when you’re depressed it can affect yourself esteem and make you feel worthless. For me this was a very true concept, that when I needed approval I wasn’t getting it. In turn it made me think anything I was doing wasn’t good enough. That negative thought kept repeating itself in my head, and made myself toxic.

I can safely say these days those negative thoughts I don’t think them too much. I generally use more positive and reaffirming thoughts to get me trough my day. If I tired my best that’s all I got to be ashamed of, sometimes your best isn’t good enough. However, what I have recently found out is even if I’m not doing my best I am still very good at a lot of things. What’s even more encouraging is the little amount of effort I have been putting in has been getting the praise I’ve so desperately needed for a long time.

These days it’s safe to say I have a little bit of an ego in a lot of what I do. Why do I have this ego? Because I AM JUST THAT DAM GOOD! For once I am not kidding. I believe in all my abilities so much these days I don’t doubt myself in anything I do any more. When I bake I know it will taste and look fine. When I’m working I know what I am doing and I don’t have to worry about it. Sometimes even on here I feel what I’m writing is shit, but then I know it has a point. When I’ve done so many good things I feel like I could anything, like battle a lion. Which I’m not going to do FYI but I just feel so dam powerful.

For me this is a very alien concept to me. The truth is I can not remember a time when I didn’t feel down eighty percent of the time, and that’s a sad truth. To me feeling good and feeling like I could do anything is a very euphoric experience and I feel like I needed to do it more and more. I feel like this is what it feels like to be a normal person most of the time.

What I have realised also is anything I try I can be quite crap at, but if I work it at it or try it again I will improve and do better. I used to get called amazing by a wonderful friend of mine, and I used to just shrug it off, as doing what I have to. Now thought I do see all the things I do on a daily, weekly, monthly basis is quite something. That’s why I would like to know what would happen if I was able to apply these unseen talents to a few of the things I’ve been too scared I’d be shit at. Maybe this year I might put these theory’s to the test.

As now I know what it’s like to feel good I’m never going to stop. That’s why I ask you, if you’re having problems feeling good about yourself, what is making you feel that way? Because I know by doing a few simple things has allowed me to be free and I know given an chance I will just smack that shit, because I’m a bad ass bitch!

XO Fabes