Bottom Bitch

Dear Friends,

Here it is, what some of you have been wating for. Today we are going to talk about sex. It was a tossup wither I would do it, or if Carey would. In the end it’s my decision so I decided I would like to tackle this particular topic. As it’s quite personally to me, and something I feel like I have grown to be objective about.

Bottoming, if you don’t know what it is let me tell me about it; bottom is usually one who receives penetration. If you knew that, well done. Now that we are all on the same page let’s get on with it. As I have talked about the rise in side’s recently I thought I would cover the more what I thought would be controversial topic of being a bottom. As I personally felt there was a lot of things which made it seem like it wasn’t the desirable position. Now let’s say this, if you are new to me, this isn’t me saying things to be controversial or too upset people. It’s me just writing about my own personal experience. Since it is my personal experience with gay sex is about twenty years old now, I’ve a few ideas and feelings I would like to express. As for those who are wondering about my position, either wait or skipped down till your find the information you need.

For the longest time I didn’t think someone like me could be a bottom. Someone like me, meaning someone who is black. Why did I think that? Well there are a lot of reasons as to why I thought like that. One, people told me I shouldn’t be, for racial reasons. Two, it seemed like it was the femme thing to do. Three, the worry about the pain and not the pleasure in the act its self. With all these things in mind I told myself I could never be a bottom.

Now I am what I like to think; a proper adult. I know peer pressure to do a thing is terrible. Which is why it double ticks me off, because a lot of it was racial motivated. Yes, people telling me because I’m black and with BBC (big black cock, there words not mine) I should be a top. Now you would think why did you think like that? Well, when you 14,15 and the only gay company you have is a bunch or strangers on the net, you’d believe them too. Which is why now I kind of stop allowing that narrative to be used two me about this.

As for the who femme thing, I know that is some internalised homophobia there. I mean most gay or queer people have had it. It was a way of me thinking that if I did it, it make me a bitch, or women or something. Or even worse, it made me a sissy. So that was a large part of why I thought it that way. By the way, I know that’s totally not okay to even think, but its what it was a long time ago. I do not think like that anymore. However, even today we still have people in porn and other things calling people getting fucked like a bitch, or taking dick like a woman. Which doesn’t necessarily help people who might be having issues, like I have.

As for the pain, well if you actully do some decent research, and don’t look to porn as a gay sex guide, you don’t have to worry about it at all. Yes, with some anal douching and silicon based lube, you can a nice time, that all pleasure and no pain. Well maybe a little bit, but if you’re getting a constant feeling of it, for the love of god, stop!

If all my worries have been cleared up with knowledge, common sese and better access to tools what’s the issue? I don’t know. I feel like in the past it was okay to be gay. A lot of people didn’t really think about it. Then for some reason when people started to think about two men having sex, they have to think about who is the top who is the bottom. In other words, who is the women? A lot of their reasoning had to do with a number of things that were just plan stupid. Such as race, and body side and build. It has been crazy the remarks I’ve heard. I don’t remember where I heard this particular one. I remember in a tv show someone said something about; how could you explain to mum you like taking it up the ass, and not have her look at you in a different way. I think that what’s what I’ve always thought. Not necessarily my mum, but some people in general.

I wonder about people who arent gay men. What would they think if they found out, I enjoyed it? would be angry, disgusted, curious, or just would believe me. It’s one of the things I have never really been too sure about myself. The weird thing is, I’ve never been asked about it. Which I don’t know if it’s because, I keep polite straight company, or people assume. It one of those mysteries to me. what I do know is, gay celebs get it all the time. And I’m like, straight person why is that you’re business? Is because you just want to know if they can take it? or does help enhance your masturbating when you think about it.

However, as it’s me, it wasn’t like I has a thought and kept that thought to myself. I asked around to a few of my Amazing Friends and some people I happened to get speaking to around the apps to see what people’s opinions where. As time of writing, some conversation threads are gone. From the ones I was smart enough to screen shot, a lot of people had a similar idea to me in their youth; since have grown out of it. Which is similar to me, and one friend agreed with me on something only us two had ever noticed.

One thing I had noticed about a lot of the guys who approach me on the apps happen to be bottoms. I have my speculation as to why but I couldn’t say for sure. One thing I did notice was a lot of them were big muscular dudes. I don’t mean like body builder types; I could in some cases. I mean your fills out a t-shit, always big arms on show kind of guys. The thing was I never noticed till I noticed it, this seemed to be a common theme.

Like everything around me I have my theories, and some people might think it’s pure crap, but it’s my theory. I feel like maybe a lot of guys like to be big and muscular because it made or makes them feel more masculine. Then when they meet other men for sex, they feel a little bit more secure in themselves. As no would ever look at them and think, he enjoys taking it up the ass. Maybe what I’ve said is BS, maybe that might be idea that someone reading might have. It could be toxic masculinity. All I can say is, whatever you reason just enjoy yourself, and not worry about it. You’ll live a lot better life.

Which is why it saddens me to say, some of the guys I have met over the years, a few have had issue with their sexual positioning. I know a guy who once told, that he was just another bottom. I didn’t know what that meant, but he told me, that London and the world are filled with guys willing to take cock. I don’t know why he said this, but I think it has to do with the whole gay sex scene rather than the position (more about that later). Which was sad, and I hope that’s not something a lot of people think about themselves. If they do, then the world is a lot more sad than I could ever think it.

As I write this, I have scrolled though Grindr to see how many bottoms I can find. After a quick look, I stopped after 10. Which wasn’t easy as most don’t fill out there profile, but it was more verse than anything so that gives a lot more hope.

As for my personal feelings now, I love to bottom. I hope that doesn’t shock anyone. If you know and are trying to figure how many of the people you’ve seen with I’ve done it for, it’s higher than you think. Honestly, it’s not something I have a massive hang up about any more. It’s something I enjoy when I want to do it, or feel like it doing. No one is going to force me to do, I’ll do it when I’m ready. If that happens to be a problem for someone, then they can kiss my ass (all puns intended) and move on.

Now a days I call myself a verse, but not in a rush to go out and fuck. Some reason’s you might know, but will make it clear. My personal belief is, if you’re with someone and they are gung-ho about being a top or a bottom and not willing to try the other it may not work. If for instance, when two tops meet, or two bottoms there has to be some kind of negotiation to what is going to happen, right? If you’re not willing to make a sacrifice and be more flexible, maybe you need to have think about your priorities. Then ask yourself what is the real reason why you won’t? As I’ve decided to let go of the hang ups, and just be, and man it feel so good. If you’re a bottom and want to chat hit me up, or you just want to leave a comment you where to find me. Now I’m off to think about more about sexuality and what it means to me now.

Xo FabEs