Love Me Love Me

Dear Friends,

As we are in the latter half of 2022 I have now been single for two years. Time has moved on, I am totally okay with me being alone. I have learned things about myself, and realised things you wouldn’t know without a stint of being alone. A couple of these things are; knowing the kind of guys I like, what my type is, I don’t like younger guys for dating, oh this is the big one; I miss being part of a couple!

As many of you I hope have seen Heartstopper, and a lot of the LGBT+ community is like, this is couple goals, and they are totally right. I won’t go into detail about the why, becuase there are some many more people who have done it, so I’m not going to cover the same ground. Also, just watch the show, you’ll understand why. The same with any of the BL Dramas I watch it is #couplegoals. Which why I realised me watching them isn’t helping me feel better about being singe.

Another thing that doesnt help is the TikTok algorithm, you watch one video about these gay couples and I think, you know, that’s cute, I want this! Then you get bombarded with videos, and I’m like, fuck off! I’m happy for you, but when is it FabEs turn huh? Can someone tell me that? No you can’t well that’s great, because I dont know when it will be my turn too. Some people would be like, well it took time, and it was easy. I know that, but it’s just annoying, trying to get a date, or find someone not being a dick! Many of you know that already (more to come soon).

Some people might to speculate maybe I have too high of standards, and I don’t think I do. I mean, some of the things I am looking for, I feel is pretty standard. As I know, we all have different kind of life styles. I am not going to be against any of that, or try to force my life style on to someone else. I would like someone who is going to be accepting of what I like, and dont think it’s weird or strange. I have learned, nothing I like is weird or strange, its might be against some of the norms, so I don’t think of it as odd.

Now this season I have and will  be talking about guys a lot. In terms of the aspect of things I’m look for, some new and old posts if you want a clear idea. This one however is me talking more about what I want as #couplegoals more than anything else. As to how I was going to do this, I looked the love languages to help me explain my thoughts and ideas.

1 Communication

As you may know, or will know, I like to talk a lot. I talk a lot because my OCD constantly has me thinking about things. Then on the flip side to that, I think about my social anxiety, or sometimes thinking about what I should and shouldn’t say. What I would like is someone who is willing to actually talk to me. Wither it’s me taking about my shit, or talking about nothing. For me, I find the nothing conversations I have people make me more inclined to talk to someone. What I mean by nothing conversation, is a conversion about something I think about out of the blue. Then before I know it, we have been talking about this thing for an hour or so. It means absolutely nothing to any one, or anything important, some of the time. I feel like these kind of chats allow me to know, I can actually have conversation with a person about anything. Which in turn has made realise I do have a lot of things to talk about, but a lot of the time not given an avenue to talk about it. Or one of those sought out conversations, where one thing leads to another. Those are the best.

2 Quality Time

Now this is something I’ve kind had to consider in a lot of different ways. What I have learned is, I spend a lot of my time doing things at home. Not by choice, but it’s just what I do. Writing these post and doing all the things around it eat up a lot of time. What I would like is, if while I’m doing these things someone is there doing their own thing. Wither that would be, watching tv, reading, their own creative thing. We are just enjoy spending time together, doing separate things. It would be nice and easy.

I am not saying I don’t want to spend doing things together, and apart. Far from it. As I can’t see into the future (as much as I want to), I dont know what the someone else’s interest would be. If we would share any similar ones, but I would be more than up for doing what we want to do. Or, like a good couple make a good compromise of things. While my dream scenario would be finally have someone willing to play some co-op games with me. Honestly, that’s would be the dream. Or failing that someone willing to talk to me about …

3 Growth

As a person who is constantly evolving and realising things about myself and changing my opinions. I would like someone who is will to do the same with themselves and as a couple. I say this because, I know a lot of people are just will to stay as they are, and not really change what they do, or what they think. I don’t want someone who’s going to be, I tired this one thing when I was little and have tried it since and won’t. For me that shit won’t cut it. Give it a go, and see where it gets you, and us. If you don’t like it after that, you dont like it. Or if you’re smart, be willing to try it for me for, and that would be one of the greatest things you could do for me.  

4 Learn

This kind goes with the other point, but learn things about me, us and people around us. It would be nice for once, for someone to know why I am not doing okay. It would be nice not have to remind someone why certain dates can affect my mood. These kind of things would be nice to just have someone know, oh this day might be bad, let’s try and make better. Without having to be reminded, or told a thousand times. While also learn what things I like; give me comfort, and what just triggers me so hard. If you ever unsure, have a read of any of my stuff on here will help you learn about me.

5 Gifts

I realise this the other day talking to my ex, talk about your irony. I realised between the ages of 10 and now I kinda always asked for the same thing every birthday and Christmas. Spoiler alert, if you don’t already know, Video Games and Books. Yet some people still go to me, “I dont what to get you.” If in twenty years that hasn’t changed, why are you struggling. I know what some of you are saying, but FabEs which one? Well take a stab at it, as I said learn what I have. Or better yet gift cards help, because then it helps me understand you know me. While at the same time, getting me little stuff you know I like. Like the time one of my ex’s got me two bottle of Mountain Dew, because it was on offer. Yes, to this. More of this if you ever wondering.

6 Honesty

A long, long time ago I decided I was going to give up lying. You know the little lies that go around. I’ve then found out by doing this it has made me a lot more of an honest person. If I dont want to do a thing, I will just say. This cuts bullshit, and gets things where they need to be. Which is why I like being honest with me. A lot of people think of excuses to why they don’t want to do a thing, rather than just say no. Which is what I want with people, if you dont like a thing say, don’t lie to me to make me feel better. Getting things wrong will make me do better. It will allow me to learn and grow which is in everyone’s best interest. I also don’t want to be lied to about small or big things. It’s all a part of learning and growing. What I don’t want is to have someone who things I need to be keep nice and sweet at all time. While at the same time, I don’t want someone to be brutally honest all the time. I think I want general honesty, but not every single thing. Such as, I don’t need to know every time I’ve given you a boner.

These are few of the things I have thought about, recently. Will I get them all, most likely not. I think having an idea of what you’re willing and not willing to put up with, helps make you know what you want from a person. As time goes on, you can little by little, be transparent about to what you want and how you want things to go. Once again, it’s all a case my case situation.

If you might think I might have forgotten a few things, I would love to hear them, because I might be forgetting something, or over looked something. Leave me a comment, because I’m ready to go!

Xo FabEs