Anxiety

Dear Friends,

Of late there has been an ongoing issue within me. There has been a lot of things I have been a little bit too worried about. Normally this would be an issue, but of late I have noticed that is running my life. I have been severe bouts of anxiety and it has been crippling someone of my life, and I think it’s about time that I talk about it. 

I know a lot of people have issues with anxiety at some time or another, but for me it hasn’t be a real issue for a good few years. I have of course had one or two moments when I was worried about the odd thing here of there. What I haven’t had happen is me worry about where I am going to go to get milk. Sound silly I know, but that’s the level it has reached with me recently. The problem is I dont know where it’s come from. 

I think the thing that worries me the most is the fact I haven’t been certain on some decisions, when normally I am sure beyond sure. Lately thought I have been worried too much wither or not am I making the right decision. Wither or not me choosing to simple things like, dinner, what to watch and where to go is the right choice. Which is strange for several reasons. It’s strange because these are things that don’t need such large consideration. These are things that might need a thought or two and then it done. However, with a lot of these decisions, it has led to me completely shutting down and not doing anything. Which I know is a problem. 

Thing is, I know I haven’t really mentioned to anyone. I haven’t done it not because it’s another cause of anxiety for me. I haven’t done it because I felt there was no need for me to tell anyone about it. Which I know isnt right any way, but it wasn’t something to tell because I didn’t really think nothing of it, till it became a bigger issue. It became a bigger issue, but I didn’t know how to deal with it, and the truth is I still dont. Only difference is I feel like I have regained a lot of myself and the little things dont worry me as much as they did a couple of months ago. 

What was a shame, was when I had a job interview, I didn’t go for, because I had so much worry about if my lesson was right. Then I had thought of what if I can’t get anyone to do my prints out for me, what would I do next? Then there was the idea of what if I don’t know where I’m going? Then the biggest what if was, what if I didn’t know if I wanted to stay in teaching. These were the kind of things going through my head the night before, in my dreams, and when my alarm went off. When this happens, it makes me realise that I have a real issue I need to deal with first before, I think about deal with anything else. 

Now this is when I really had to remember my CBT and try to remember all the things, I learned over ten years ago when dealing with anxiety. One of the things I had to remember is try and not a take on too much. Which is easier said than done, but I did. I thought about all the things I could control and couldn’t. Then I took things down to the things I could control. Such as if I dont feel comfortable doing something dont do it. Or if I feel like I need to leave, just leave if it’s going to make me feel better. Which is what I’ve taken on to do. I then had to remember that I can prepare myself for any eventually as well, as that helps me have control over what is going on in any situation. Which is why I tell people I am always prepared. The biggest thing I needed to remember is to set myself smaller goals and when I have reached them evaluate wither this was good or bad. One of the ways I did this was going out for at least ten minutes a day. Which had its only level of issues, but all I did was just pick direction walk and see in ten minutes if I wanted to head home or continue. Which did help, because it got me up, got me dressed got me out, and when I got out, I normally ended up staying out a big longer than I had originally planned. Which I feel all helped me get a little bit better at. 

I know a reason why I didn’t mention this to anyone is, I didn’t want some to tell me how to feel. Which is a common problem among people, which I have tried to take not of. If someone is coming to you saying they are having issue with their feelings, please dont tell them not feel that way. If it was just that simple, I think we would have done it. Someone is coming to you with an issue its time to listen not, try to fix it quick. The better thing to do is, ask someone why something is making them feel that way. My best advice is to ask someone why. Why do you think that, why do you feel this, because there might be a series of reasons why a person head is where it’s at. Once you learn how they got there then you could learn to reassure them, about some of the irrational thoughts they may be having. 

For me though, I am going to continue to practice my CBT, and hope that my mental health don’t get any worse. Try to handle things smatter, and not try to do everything at once, take things a day at a time, and hope things get better. Then eventually the pressure I am feeling will soon be a memory, and I won’t be hindering my life. 

Xo FabEs