Who I Is
Dear Friends,
Welcome back, to the new season of my site. Unlike other seasons I knew exactly what I wanted to do for the season. Compared to last Season where I thought about sin and hell, I could have done with the easy thing of seventh heaven. However, I thought about myself and how I feel and think about myself. I knew it was too late to pivot to this new theme; this season would be about, who I is.
It has taken me some time to figure it out, but I feel like I finally know who I am; truly know who I am. Now I’m not saying I know myself a 100%, but I do know about 90% of myself. Which is a great! I really do feel like taking a year out of work, to think about what I am, and what I am doing with myself, has really truly allowed me to adapt myself when going back to work. Finally understanding all the corners of my personality. It has allowed me to know what to do with my mental health, for 14 years, I have been constantly worrying about. I know my own limits and what I can do, and what I can put up with. I know when I am going to fall short, and knowing what is going to be good for me. Its nice to know all of these things about myself. In the long term, helps to me know what to do with any situation.
A major thing it has allowed me to do, is be a lot more confident in difference situations. For the longest time, I’ve had so many issues with how to deal with things. The constant fear of not knowing how I would manage. I know I have lived enough, and have had enough practical experience; I know what might happen. If the worst were to happen, I know I have the confidence to make a situation work out. The old lemons to lemonade thing.
My interactions with people have had a lot more confidence with them. Which is something I’ve said on here before I have struggled with. I have worried about suggesting or asking to do things. When I’ve had the confidence to do it, it has worked out. I don’t mean to sound arrogant when I say this, but sometimes you need to have that person who is confident and knows what they are doing. I feel like in a lot of situations I’ve been in, there has always been one person who has done that. When that person isn’t there, what do you do? Now I feel like that person can be me. Not because I want to, because there is a vacuum, and I feel like I should fill that role. While situations have made me feel a lot more comfortable at work.
I don’t want to go into too much detail about my work, for now. Now I am alone, with a large number of students, I have confidence in what I am talking about and what I am doing. I know I am teacher, and no longer feel like I am pretending any more. My job allows me to fully be who I am. Which is, a pedantic over planning person. It’s such an avenue to allow me too just be me. What’s even better, a lot of this is all self-motivated; I am not being watched, or micromanaged. I am just doing what I normally do, for my own justification. Which makes me feel more adult, and like a lot more things are my own responsibility.
Speaking of which, even though I have legally been an adult for several years now. I now feel like I understand what an adult its being all about. Which is kind a part of who I am. Even though I previously said I wasn’t sure if I was an adult. I know I am, because I know how to balance everything, and say when something isn’t working. One of the best things is making sure, to ask for help when I am having a problem. Which I am glad to say, I haven’t had any major problem in doing in the last year. Fingers crossed, I don’t run into major problems, but I know I will be able to manage it when the times comes. As well as ask for support when needed.
Enough about the serious stuff, let’s talk about the more fun stuff. A lot of the time I have been worrying about my mental health, and my enjoyment in the things I used to get enjoyment out. I don’t worry about those things anymore, but I know what I like now. I like reading, gaming, hanging out with friends, and of course baking. I like these things, because I always have. I no longer need to worry about am I doing them enough? When I want to do something, I will do it, and if I don’t want to, I won’t. I have come up with a general rule, if I’m not enjoying something don’t do it. This goes for books, games and movies. If I am not enjoying it, don’t continue. This isn’t to say, I don’t like these activities generally, it just means this current product isn’t for me. It doesn’t mean I need to have a panic, because this one thing marketed towards me, I don’t like. It just means I’ll move on to the next one. As I know, there are hundreds of other things I could try, and see if I like it. I know what I like, and that doesn’t need to revaluate every month.
As for guys, once I figure out what I like and what I don’t. I will do write more on it later, I know what kind of guy I don’t like, and I know the kind I do. I know I am a homosexual, and I am comfortable in saying it, and telling people I am. It’s not my job, to make people feel comfortable about being okay around a LGBT+ person. I can only be the person who I am, and the other people around me who have to deal with it, not me.
While I also some what gotten over people deciding to blank me. Over the course of the years I have known some many people online, and date so many. If they are choosing to blank me, that is their choice I can do anything about it. all I can say is FUCK YOU! You’re not better than me, you’re just a coward. If you don’t have the balls to tell me you’re not interested, or you cant talk now, grow the fuck up! I will not keep wasting my time, and if some time in the future the things and people you hid behind make you feel shitty; remember I could have been there. You lost out bitch! Not that those people are going to see this, but you know its still going to put that out in the universe.
This season will deep dive into the most personally I have ever gotten. I’m doing so, as I feel like it’s easy therapy; while allowing people to know the kind of person I am, and a lot of my thought process. I don’t know who is reading this anymore, so if you want to know more about me, keep up with me this season. Soon you will most likely learn more about me then ever could imagine and know Who I Is!
Xo FabEs
