Bossy (This Is Me)
Dear friends,
Stay with me now we’re almost there. One thing I’ve known about myself, and it goes on with my last post about be being disciplined. I like things done a certain way, and sometimes when it is happening I take change and make sure things get done. Now in my personal life and work life the word of bossy has been thrown round at me, and believe me I know I can be bossy.
As Monica said, ‘if I scream at you, it just means you’re doing it wrong.’ For me that statement could never be so true. Some people see it as a bad thing, being in charge and taking the lead is something a lot of people don’t like. However, what I have found with all the people I know they all lack that forward thinking of taking charge and being the leader. For me to be the one who dictates everything is a major character growth and I know that side of my personality should be shown more and not hidden away.
I don’t think it because I am an ego maniac, I say it because it has been the way it has been since I was a child. When I was younger I was always the one who had great ideas and plans but I never spoke up about them. I would keep quiet, and the reason why I would do it would be, so people wouldn’t make fun of my “silly” idea. I know what you’re thinking, that’s most kids and that is true, but we all know there was always that one kid who had the headstrong personality and whatever they said went. For me it was never me, not till I got into the adult world, and when I realized I needed to take charge.
I don’t know when it happened, maybe when I was eighteen, maybe older. I do think it might have started when I got my first job. As time went on, as more and more people left the company, I was given more responsibility, and I liked it. Not so much I got a power trip on it, but I liked the fact people had to listen to me for once, and I think from there my aspirations just grew from there. Then of course not too long after the depression happened, and my confidence was once again knocked, and I didn’t feel like I was in charge of anything. What I did notice a lot of people did do what I said, not because I was been demanding about, but because they felt sorry for me.
As time went on, I realized I was in charge of a lot responsibility, and because I was older than a lot of the people I’d met, it meant I was in the position of having a lot people listening to me as default. Because of it, I just went with it, and my confidence grew allowing me to take charge and no longer be the person just being in the back.
Just because sometimes I am bossy it doesn’t mean I am a dictator. More recently I have found out I am trying to be diplomatic, and suggest things so we all get what we want. Sometimes I don’t know if people don’t understand my way of thinking, or just don’t know how I work. Since I can’t be sure I will tell you, I have OCD and that means I have thought about the situation a lot, and usually I have a plan in my head. When I ask you to do something usually I have a time place and such thought out. If you tell me you’re not sure then I say I say suggestion, and you’re like can we do this, this and this just say it upfront. I know why a lot of people do this, is because they don’t want to be seen a bossy or demanding. Me on the other hand I don’t really care what you think about me, I just rather have something done sooner rather than beating around the bush.
Of course this can work with a lot of people, because some people just like to have a plan, and since a lot of my friends know me, they know I have thought of an itinerary so they also ask me the plan. Sometimes I so busy with other things I don’t want to be the one in charge, but more often than not it is my plan that is used and I am seen as the organizer. I am okay with it of course but I don’t want people to think it’s always my way, it isn’t it’s just the position I have been put in.
If I see nothing wrong with my bossiness why am writing about it, because I am this way and I’m ok with it. Recently I have realized I can’t get bossy in everything I do. The thing I am talk about here, is things with the BF. I know a lot of my people would suggest sometimes there has to be one in charge, and some times that is true, but I can’t be my normal bossy self as I would like. I know this, because I know it has to be fair between us, until someone gets a ring or something. For me I am finding it hard with not being so demanding and saying do this, do that and do this. Sometimes I know I can get away with it, but I know this is one area I know I can be completely bossy. In truth I don’t want someone who is going to do exactly what I have to say, there has to be some back and forth. I do also know looking at our history sometimes the natural boss has come out, and it has been effective, but it cannot be done all the time.
What I know about myself is I like having some power, and having people listen to me. I know thought experience not everyone wants this kind of experience. I do, not because I want everyone to do as I say, I like it because sometimes what I think and do can be super effective. That is why I feel like I can be effective leader without losing control and let the power get to my head. I have been in positions of all power, and as much as I like it, there is still a degree of not really having power. I have the confidence to lead, and to get shit done, but at the same time I would listen to the crowds, because sometimes what they think can be a benefit. But until that day comes again, just know in my own life I’m a BOSS!
Xo FabEs
