Try A Little Tenderness

Dear Friends,

As we are now a quarter through the year already, and everything for me hasn’t been all roses and cheery as I would have liked it to be. Which is why I have been looking at my CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) to help me through it. Which is has been a great help to get me through the somewhat dark time in my life. In turn brought me back to a conversation I had with my ladies a couple months back, which is something I need to remember.

A few months ago, I asked my ladies if they feel like any insult could be hurtled towards us that would truly hurt our feelings. To which we all agreed, there wasn’t any insult someone could say to us, that we don’t think or know about ourselves. Which is something I have known about myself for a very long time. Which is why I have realised isnt a good trait for anyone to have.

As I have been looking into my CBT, I have been looking at identify my negative or toxic character traits, and one of them is not being a friend to yourself. Which is something I have been doing to myself for as long as I can think of. When I think about the things, I do to myself, and said to myself there isn’t anything I would tell any friend of mine to put up with. I would be telling them what is happening isn’t healthy, and I they shouldn’t put up with it. If I am willing to tell someone else that, why aren’t I telling myself the same thing.

There are a lot of things I think and worry about myself that I shouldn’t be worrying about. Its almost as if I need someone other than myself to tell me something I should be doing, when I know I have good judgement. When I think about all the things, I have done for myself they have all been a benefit to myself. Not that everyone would do the same as me, but the thing is, it was right for me. So why now am I questioning my sound judgment? Because I am being unkind to myself.

Even though I have been going through a lot of trouble of getting out, and living my life, there have been things I have been things I’ve been thinking that I should be doing, and I have been doing the stupid thing of comparing myself to others. When really, I should be giving myself a lot more credit, than I do. As there are a lot of things, I have done that many others wouldn’t have. I still I think I am not enough, or I’m not doing enough. Why can’t it be, I am fine as I am? Why can’t that just be enough for me?

The truth of the matter is I don’t know, maybe I am trying too hard to be perfect, or to measure up to this idea of who and what I should be. I should be a little softer on myself and stop trying to be a ten allow myself to be at what ever level it takes to be okay with myself. I need to be kinder and stop worrying about how it is going to look, when I know if someone is going to judge me, that is their issue not mine. I need to just to get on with it.

It’s weird I know I’m allowed to live my life any way I see fit, yet now I am too worried and scared to live it. I keep saying I am waiting till a get a job, or when I get this, or when I get to do a particular thing. The real thing is, some things might be the truth, but its not for everything. There are something I need to do for me, to allow myself that little bit of life to keep me going.

Its crazy that almost thirteen years ago I made up a saying, Live Now, Regret Nothing. It’s sad that I must keep remind myself of it, because now I’m doing too much of regretting and not enough living. So now its time for me to be kind to myself and allow myself to be myself. A live the way I need to which ever way that will be when the time is right.

To everyone just remember to be kind to yourself, in what ever way that means, as we need to be kinder to ourselves. That’s what I’m going to try and do, so wish me luck, as I wish you the same.

Xo FabEs