Save Me/Help Me
Dear Friends,
With what has been going on, I feel like I have been trapped in my own person hell. Which is what usually happens to me when things go bad, not one thing goes bad, many thing goes bad at once. Right now I could really do with help and saving.
Some might say what I am doing, I’m doing to myself, and to a point I am. There is a degree of human reciprocation I need, and I need to feel I am getting it elsewhere. But that isn’t what I need saving from. It’s everything that is going on around me is what is I need help with.
For me the irony isn’t lost that a couple of months ago I wanted to be anywhere else instead of work. Lately I have been looking forward to going somewhere else than home. So much so I have been missing out on sleep to make sure I get to work early or on time. At home makes me feel dark, and lazy. I get the feeling like I just want to go into a dark hole and never get out. In a way I’m happy work is somewhere I feel I can go and be a normal person for a few hours.
As I write this, I am currently sitting in a coffee shop, instead of writing in my normal locations. This why I needed saving. I need some where to go to create distance, for me to have long-ish period of; escape, relaxation and selfishness. However, this week my idea of that has been taken away, which has all made me fall.
This week I have gotten a lot of advice which would be consider good in any other circumstance, but for me I don’t want to force the issue. A lot of people have suggested, hinted and asked why I don’t spend all my time with the BF. My answer to that is, I can’t. I can’t put everything on his shoulders to help me get through. He helps for sure, but before him I had a lot of people propping me up, sharing the load.
What has been missing is the place to escape too. Due to financial reasons, other people’s commitments I have nowhere to run too. It was so sad for me the other night to realise, even though I feel like my family aren’t someone I can turn to right now, but once I used to have one person I could just go to escape and let me be. But I can’t do it now as he is no longer with us.
What was the point of this post? Well right now I feel like I am an island, and I need saving. The life boats around me can’t take my weight, and if I tried it would sink. Right now I am stuck with myself, unsure where I can go. The longer I am here, the longer the darkness will come and take me. I’m asking, for you to help me and save me before I fall.
Xo FabEs
