Right For Me

Dear friends,

There has been a lot of questions as to what I want to do in the dating arena. Given that we’ve all had nothing but time, a lot of thoughts have crossed my mind, and made me wonder what I want to do. All the ideas have crossed my mind have been outlandish to the ridiculous.

When I first broke up with the bf a lot of people kept asking, ‘FabEs what’s next?’ at the time I didn’t know how to answer this question. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and it was something I wasn’t thinking about. A lot of people suggested I do the ‘Man’ thing a sleep around a bit. As I have already established, that every much isnt my style, nor did I think it was quite safe to do with a pandemic going on. I’m not that horny. I just said I would wait and see what came my way.

Of course, I stuck to my word, I waited to see what opportunities came my way. Which meant me having to go back on dating apps and boy did it make me wish I didn’t have to be there. Besides the usual crap you must deal with, there were a lot of questions as to why I hadn’t done this or done that. Or people being extremely forward about what they wanted and, when I didn’t want to do what they wanted people got UPSET.

Taking the apps out of the equation, I realised there was an avenue I hadn’t thought about. What about the people who said they wanted to meet when I wasn’t single? I am not saying I was stepping out on anybody. It just so happened I got talking to a few people who were in complicated relationships when I wasn’t single. Not wanting to take part in being the side piece we kept in contact for a later date. With the later date now here, I realised what a lot of the men were offering I didn’t want to be a part of.

What I was being offered wasn’t no part of romance. It was quick and easy release. They assumed (and correctly) I was a fun time to be had. A lot of them never took into consideration what I might have wanted from them. A lot of them never thought I would want to try and do something with them that wasn’t in the bedroom. That’s when it hit me, I knew what I wanted. What I wanted was more of what I had, and not something that was quick and easy.

I never told a lot of these guys this, I decided to simple decline they advances. Eventually, when you do this enough times; the boys quit calling. For the first time I didn’t mind being ghosted or ignored. I had made it quite clear I didn’t want they were putting down, so they moved on and that was okay with me.

When I had this massive realisation, it was time for London to head into another lockdown, so meet getting out and having a date with a person wasn’t going to be easy. Little did I know I was putting the cart before the horse. Yeah, I was up to meeting people for social distanced walks in the park (#2020life) and similar activities, but there was a major snag, one I genuinely overlooked. What kind of guy did I want to date?

It was an odd thing to ask myself, because I hadn’t done it in such a long time, it took me a while to consider it. Did I want someone older, younger? With similar interest or different? Did I want someone like several ex’s, or did I want to try and get some different? These were the questions, but even more importantly where was I going to find them?

This is where I was struggling to figure out, I was not thinking about things in a logical way. I was thinking more of the end goal rather than steps on how to get there. I needed to stop and go back to the basics. I needed realise, I like a lot of different types of guy, and I knew what I wanted from them, but I ned to find them. The only problem, I can’t find them now.

I’ve done the apps and had no luck there, but I forgot once I used to go out and meet people. I used to talk to people in bars and club. Exchange numbers and see where things went. I know its old school, but it still worked. Since I can’t right now, there wasn’t a lot of chance for me to meet new people. Even though with this knowledge it doesn’t mean I am in rush for things to get to normal, I need to have to have some patience.

I need to have patience because I need to find a man who is right for me. A few years ago, I remember thinking about some of my friend’s who’ve I know for now half my life. They are with the right people. They are people who have made them better people and made them feel like they can be their true self. If I want the same thing, I can’t rush if or when this might happen. I might not get the guy who is going to be forever, but I will get someone who is right for me at that time.

I learned a long time ago I learned having a partner doesn’t always complete you. I know many people who are older than me and live good lives without someone. It would just be nice if I could meet someone who wants to be with me for who I am, and not for something they think I am. As I learned over the last year, there are a lot of things about me aren’t as simple as they seem. Just like I know not everyone is willing to put up with it. Even though I know all these things, it doesn’t mean I’m not going to try. Life is never smooth or easy, and neither is love.

I do hope you celebrating your single hood, and not moping about it. Remember there is someone who’s right for me.

Xo FabEs