Modern Romance

Dear Friends,

I just going to say this up top, this one might sound a little bitchy and judgment, and that is completely intentional. Today I am talking about something I have no been doing over fifth teen years, and it still isnt any better. In fact, I think it’s gotten worse as time has gone on, but I’ve still got to do it, I don’t want to be alone. It’s a very much a dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t situation.

Friends, as I write this, I am currently a man who almost into his mid-thirties. That’s right, me and some of you are now the age of the Sex and The City ladies in the original series. I am now official a desperate man in his thirties, and now I’m seeking what I can get. Now if some of you are thinking, that’s rather cynical, it is, because it’s the reality I live in.

I have been trying to date men now for over fifteen years, and in that not a lot has changed. Well, things have changed within me of course, but the general idea and principals are still very much the same. One the things that has changed is the technology. Now it’s easier to find guys who are like me, who live a lot closer to me. Unlike in the teenage years, finding other boys who lived all the way out in kent and Essex. Now I can find other guys in Peckham and surrounding areas. Now you would think that would make things easier, but sadly it doesn’t.

At the beginning of the year, I decided I was going to make a go of it, I was going to be more outgoing, cast my net and try and meet new people. I was going to look for friends and dates, which is why I decided to get all the apps! Well, most of the gay based ones, to try and find more people. If I were a person to follow the sheep, I would not use all the apps, as people seem to stick to the notion this app is for this and that app is for that. Whereas I just went on them to see what I could find. Sadly, what I found is a whole lot of nothing four months later.

Some of the apps I have used have been, the classics Grindr, Tinder, a new one Hinge and some apps from the classic dating sites that have been around for some time. The funny thing is a lot of these apps have the same people on them, using the same pictures, and sometimes even less details. Now I have gotten rid of most of them for various reasons.

I got rid of Tindr because it got really boring very quickly. Reason being, many people would match with me, and I would send them a message I would get nothing back. After one or two matches I kind thought it was a mistake, but after the third time I thought what is the point of this? So, I swiftly said goodbye to the app.

Hinge on the other hand was a whole different kilter of fish. I did like the way the app worked, and how profiles were set up. The only thing I noticed, and then someone else noticed once I pointed it out, was the pictures. I noticed that a lot of the pictures were very much the same on all profiles. They were either pictures of people standing in front of an exotic background, or at the gym, and these pictures were always the ‘I’m living my best life’ insta perfect pictures. Eventually I started noticing the patten, and it just made me wonder, where are some more average people? I reached another dead end.

It’s not all bad new though, on some of the apps I did get speaking to a select few people who I was interested in, but of course there was a problem there. There were several problems the first being, some people took days to reply. It’s hard to get to know someone when you asked them a message on Monday get two replies then don’t hear back till Wednesday. Now normally I would give people the benefit of the doubt, but what I’ve learned through affirmations, don’t make excuses for people, so I’m not. Those particular people were swiftly blocked and deleted.

As for the people who message, it gets annoying someone keeps put a lol or a ha, ha, he, he at the end of every sentence. It gets annoying and jarring very quickly. I’m not here for that nonsense. So does people asking me things I’ve talked about a couple times before. I had someone ask me what I do for a living a couple times, and some other things a couples too. Which makes me think two things, that people aren’t paying attention to me, or they are talking to so many people they can’t even keep it straight. Whatever it is, don’t need it, and maybe look back at the chat.

My biggest pet peeve that has been annoying for me for the last couple months, is people not really taking what I say seriously. As I said I have been looking for friends and dates, which I have been very forthcoming with to the people who contact me. I do not want to meet random men for sex. Everyone has seemly been okay with it, however more times than I would like, I’ve had people ask me, when are we meeting for fun. To which I can only speculate, that people seem to think that I’m either lying about my intentions, or it’s wishful thinking on there part that they can change my mind. Either way, not so great for me.

I realise now, that everything I have been going thought hasn’t changed. It’s just when I was younger, I had a lot more time, and patience for people’s stupidity. Now that I am older, I really can’t stand for this crap anymore. Which is why I feel like it’s easier for a lot of people to staying in relationships they can’t stand or choose to be single. But as I say, I am desperate man in his thirties I’ll take what I can get, which honestly isnt much.

As I’m an optimist and a realist, I know I need to go on a couple of bad dates before I find someone decent. I know its going to take time, and fourth months isnt enough for me to get somewhere. It’s just brought up the all the memories from the past, and between this and finding a full-time job, it’s very tiring. Which is why I hope I get the job first, so I can just rely on escorts, it’s much easier.

Xo FabEs