I Want It All
Dear Friends,
I know it’s between a while since I’ve blogged I have been writing L? If you haven’t read it here you go, (byfabes.com/fictionbyfabesl) or catch up. I took some time off to see what my life is without writing and the truth is it’s kind of easy, but dull, as I’m always thinking of something to write, or express; wither that be a story, blog or opinion piece. Even though I was writing I was in my head. But the question for me wasn’t where do I want to go next?
A few while ago ABS said to me I was moving my life is a positive and forward direction, and it seemed like I had my life sorted out. To me this was weird thing to hear as it’s something I wouldn’t have come to the conclusion myself, but when I thought about it, if he said it there must be some truth to it. My life has been messed up for so long; it’s nice for someone to suggest my life has balanced out.
I only gave it a thought when I was walking and I came a across a wish. A wish was something my mum told when I was younger, you grab it make a wish and let go. Instinctively I grabbed it, and then I had to think what do I want to wish for? It was in that moment when I took a look at my life and realised that there was nothing I really wanted to wish for.
In the space of a year things have changed so much, last year I would have wished for a new job, money, and a holiday to be happy. Now I am all of those things and I have worked towards it. My job I like, its stress less, and I make a decent amount of money if I work hard enough for it. A holiday to one of my dream destiny nations, has already been filled (more on that later). As being happy, my mental health took as dip but after my birthday it’s been steady, now I am not thinking about it every day. So instead I wished for things to keep as they are for now.
So when I thought about it I think I have done everything I wanted to do by the age I am. I feel like I have done everything that I wanted to do in life up to this point. I’m not saying that if died tomorrow my life was fulfilled, but I think my general every day happiness and life goes have been fulfilled.
I wanted to graduate university, done that. Have good mental health, got that. Be a writer, I am doing that, not in the way I originally thought that I might but I am happy none the less about what I am doing, with the blog and the fiction by FabEs. After I realised this I wondered what’s next for FabEs? Boy was it a doozy to find what is next for this crazy SOB.
Well it turns out I want to do a lot with the next stage of my life, I want it all. I want the good the bad the ugly, and I want it all eventually. Because there was one or two things that I would like to do and at the moment my ambition has no boundaries. Because I know me, having big ideas is what drives me, and I won’t settle for less.
Travel is something I have thought and wrote about for such a long time on and now I can finally say that I will be traveling this year. On October 21 I will be travel to Seoul, South Korea and I can’t wait. I have decided to do this because I was going to be 30 (yay) and its time to start my new decade doing something I have wanted to do for a while. However, I am not going to stop there. Now that I have put down my one holiday, I have mentally planned my next one, for not too long after that. I have things to look forward too, and making my life is moving in a positive direction. Like I said I always make big plans, and my plans for the next year in regards to travel, is Seoul in October, then someone in January, Disney land in July and if I can save, save, save Japan next birthday. I would like to be able to make these, but who knows if I will but, I didn’t know back in may I was going to Seoul so who the f knows.
What goes hand in hand with this is work. Oh boy what the difference a year makes. This time last year I was looking for a different job to escape the hell I was going through, and at the time I was sticking to what I knew, which was customer service management; but now life has changed. Where I work now I have been there a year and within 6 months I have climbed the ranks very quickly. What this has told me that I am selling myself too cheap and do not understand my true talents, and now I have recognised them I need to be using them.
That why I want to be working with some or all of my many talents, wither that be writing, helping, teaching, eye opening. Whatever it is that I do I know will be good at it. Not right away, because it might be something I have never thought about or considered. What I know is give me a few weeks I know how to do it, and within two months I know to do it fast and effectively. I don’t say it to be boastful, I say it because I know my skills and that once I have something down I know to excel. I would like to be more detailed at what I would like to try my hand too, but only time will tell.
The only other thing I would like to consider doing long term is dating, because it’s been a while (a long while). The reason why I say I would want to try again, is that a look at a lot of my friends & family members and they are either with someone, or married, or engaged and I am not even close. If you’re an reader (you know this bit) I said I wouldn’t date till I found out that I knew myself. Even thought that statement is very true, I’ve had realisations that I have known myself for longer than I ever realised, it was mainly me being scared that no one would want me. But I know I got a lot to offer, so it’s time to get out there and search.
The thing is I don’t want to be just dating, random different guys; I would like to be at the next big event, be like to people this is Lane (L reference XD) and not feel like I’m fifth or third wheeling it all the time. I know that’s an odd way to be, but that’s how I feel sometimes, and I’m just being honest about it. It’s not that I mind honestly, just wish that wasn’t the way it is sometimes. While I used to enjoy the time I had with friends, but now that we’re getting older and partnering up, that time is get less and less often. I am not doing this in spite of anyone so I don’t feel alone, because even in a group of people I can still feel alone, I am doing it because everyone around me has inspired me. I like to think those people know who they are.
The only thing that I definitely thought about having it all was my birthday. If you’ve known me a long time you know I am very big on birthdays. I know some people consider me childish that I love to celebrate the day people were born, but for me there is a reason to celebrate. As morbid as it sounds you never know which one is going to be your last, and big ones should definitely should be celebrated as there are too many people who I know will now ever get to 30 and that’s truly makes me sad, so that’s why for myself I’m going to celebrate the shit out of it because I want to. If you don’t agree with me celebrating, F you (XO).
When I was thinking about my birthday, I was thinking what I should do. I knew I wanted the holiday, but I still wanted a way to celebrate with friends. Of course there was always the smaller get together option, but I thought, I’m going to be a big age, so I thought lets go HAM. So there was four pronged birthday celebration and with this post I am celebration the third and now only want to go (Seoul here I come).
The last thing I want it all with is my writing. I do enjoy writing my weekly thoughts, comments and such, but I feel now that I am a lot more confident in my writing skills and life that I need to be expanding myself into other areas of writing. So maybe my blogs will stop being so text based and have some pictures, and or sound. Or that my posts might be a look into someone, or something I hope to expose. Of course right now I only had a few ideas how that would work, but in the end I decided to start my own site so I have one place to showcase all my works. This then allows me to give an easy answer when I’m asked where is your writing, now just go to byfabes.com and you’ll find all t
I know this was a long one, and I hope a few of you kept with me to the end, and thank you. But I will try to be back weekly with someone I’ve done, doing or experienced, but until I’ll be grappling as much as I can.
XO FabEs
