Hey Ho!

Dear friends,

Are you a hoe? Seriously, do you consider yourself to be one? Or do not prefer that term. Are you a: slag, slut or just plain easy? I’m not asking to be rude, or make you feel uncomfortable, I’m asking because I’m curious. I’m curious as people assume I am the kind person who sleeps around. Or I give the impression I do. Or do I give the impression that I’m the kind of person, who wants to hear about the guy you met last night, and now want to do me? I don’t think I am, and I don’t know why the things happen, but like a lot of things I have my theories.

A lot of the things that goes against me is the fact I am a man. It seems silly to me that I havent to even think this, because of my gender I have to be a particular way. I think it all comes from years of people using excuses, to justify terrible sexual behaviour with men. You know what I’m talking about, because that’s what a real man does kind of bullshit! Which is why, it is surprising to a lot of people, who find out things they’ve never heard of before. Things like, some people are ACE’s, then find it weird when someone is a ACE. It’s just expected that men like sex, and need a lot of it. Some would argue they don’t care where they get it. Which BTW if you can’t tell, I hate!  

I also think, being gay has got something to do with as well. I’m not making my stand  about an injustice, I’m just talking about stereotyping. The stereotype is, a gay is always single, going to the baths and clubs and hooking up with random people. It’s just a shame and oh so sad that, when I was younger I thought the stereotype must be true. Now I wonder, if people are living this life because of the stereotype. Or is because we just accepted as normal?

As you know, I hate that world “normal”, what Is normal anymore? I mean, has just become normal to people that because you are a particular way? That if you do anything that deviates from that it’s not normal. I think some people must self once used to be think you have do/be this or that way to be normal. Which what I think a lot of people think about gay people. That we don’t want to be like other people. We just want to go around shagging everyone. Which is why, is hard for some people to think that LGBT+ people want to get married. Of course, there a lot of things that doesn’t really help my point. As the amount of times I get hit on by guys, in open marriages or relationships. Then tell me it’s cool, its just sex. Yes it cool. No shade, just doesn’t really help this idea that not everyone is after sex.

I don’t know who’s to blame really, society? The history of having to pretend to be one way, and then do things on the DL which has led to the stereotype. Or is it media? Could it be the amount of porn people watch, has lead them to believe that a hook up can happen anywhere, and that makes people do things like that is real life? You know the delivery boy is going to accept a bj as tip. These might be hot fantasies, but do they reflect life? Maybe one or two people, but not everyone. Is it people looking at the people who star in these movies, and think I can do what they do but for real. Do I think that’s the cause? Maybe not, but it’s an idea. I know porn has a lot to answer for in the realms of gay sex.

I think also social media has some of this issue as well. I know a lot of people like to go on Twitter and other places, and show pictures of the people they had that weekend, night, or morning. Which doesn’t help a lot of people. I think some people see that and think, I’m not doing that, maybe I should be doing that. I mean that’s what he, him and they are doing, I want to be seen as normal so I should too. Which I understand, because it made me think for the longest time I am being gay wrong. As so many people are doing these things, and I should be doing them too. It’s a shame I thought that way, but lucky for me I’ve grown and learned to be an induvial. Who thinks for himself and can put some things together, that some people never consider.

One of these things people don’t consider is STI’s. It’s a sad but true fact. Some of you might read this and go no I care. Yes, I know you got a tested every couple of months and you think that’s fine. Ever since prep, the amount of people who have BB sex has gone up. Which is fine, but what gets me is the people who think, I can sleep with as many people I want to and no get HIV. Yes that is true, but you can still get other stuff. And no matter when you last tested, till your next one, anyone can give you anything. If you’re good at work out odds, let’s consider this; if you slept with 5 people and they’ve slept with five, and no one has tested in two months, what is likelihood of catching something? Honestly someone tell me, because I don’t know. But you know you can’t get HIV now, so you can be a slut now.

I don’t want people to think that I am judging people and their practices. I’m not I’m just wondering where does the idea come from. If you enjoy sleeping with a lot of different people, you do you. But what I don’t like is why this has to be the standard that a lot of people have to live up to. Why is it so weird that someone can be on Grindr, and not look for a hook up? Why is that not wanting to rush to fuck someone seen as a turn off? These are all the things I want to know. While I also want to know, why do people project this on you? Why does someone have to call you something and then you have to do it?

Like always I am going to do what I want to do. There is nothing wrong with being a sexual person. But being someone who likes sex, and enjoys sex doesn’t have to be a person who shares that with every Tom, Dick and Harry. I know we are moving towards an age where anyone can be anything, I just want more to understand that. That maybe you can be on certain apps and sites because, it’s convenient, you can afford it, or it’s where the people are. It doesn’t always has to be I’m here this, and that I’m as easy as the last five guys you had.

If you enjoy causal sex great, if you don’t also great. Doing one of the other is bad or good. It’s what you’re okay with. What would be good is if you didn’t expect a person to be one way or another. Or passing judgement on them because of it. Lets all be nice to each other. Let’s all have as much as little sex we want, with how many or how few people we want.

Xo FabEs