The Companion
Dear Friends,
In continue to own it, I have realized there has been an aspect of myself that has been a missed for some time, and that happens to be my number one companion. I can go back looking at the years there has always been someone I have just done stuff with. If I’m bored, send a message and I have someone to go to; Tesco, movies, drinking, shopping with. As of late I don’t really feel like I have that kind of person with me anymore.
A part of me knows maybe this is a part of growing up, and I’ve got to get used to a lot of things by myself. I have got used to my own company and not in a, shut out the world kind of way. However, there is a large part of me that wishes I had someone who is always there at a moment’s notice.
I know with life things will change, and people get different priorities but as of writing this I don’t think there is one person who I can say I have strong partnership any more. I’m not saying this to show how bad my friends have been lately, I’m just saying some of these friends were always ready for anything, and now I don’t have anyone I could call to do something at a moment’s notice. This doesn’t make me sad or want to expose anyone, but it does make me think of things in a bigger sense.
In the bigger picture of life I have always felt like I was this one person who people got, but didn’t completely understand. This might be true as I reflect back on the last few years of my life, but in some circumstances life and fate have played there hand in it also. A current example of this happens to be my new job. Even though I am friendly with everyone, and say morning and so on, but I’ve yet to really connect and have a non-work conversation with anyone.
I know there would be a portion of you saying, well I should be more outgoing and yes this true. The only thing I don’t know how do is be out going to people who I don’t have instant connection with. These people are mysteries and they really give me much to go on, and I know how to strike up a decent conversation.
How am I going to go about looking for the next companion, I have no idea. If life decides to be kind to me, they might just fall into my lap. Or I could put effort to making the new people I know, know me better. Or if I’m really lucky one of the previous companions might read this and might want to be my number one again, but that’s me being VERY optimistic.
What I am going to do, right now I’m going to enjoy my own company till at least I can fix how I can go about my time. Till that time comes I will be searching for someone to hang with, because there is a lot of things I want to do. I know some of these “ideas” aren’t for everyone, so someone new might be a help. Until then I walk alone, looking for someone to join me on the adventure we call life.
XO Fabes.
