Show U My Colours
Dear friends,
As you know I like my life to be colourful, some like to link my colourfulness to my queerness. I, however, have always been a colourful person, so I like to link it to my nature. While I also like to think of my colourful clothes and the like, as an extension of me and my eccentricities. Even the most eagle eyed of you will notice this site colours represent the pride flat, which isn’t not coincidence.
When I came out all those many years ago, I adopted the pride flag as symbol of my own. Not to be like I am Mr Gay, just more of a thing people would think of me when I were colours of the rainbow. Colour is a part of personality and persona. Even before the pride flag, I had four colours that represented me, time has gone by, I have completely absorbed those colours to what you see here. Many cultures different colours mean different things. My use of black and white represent two different things. Black is the darkness, when I feel down or depressed. While white means I want to remain neutral and clean in any given situation.
RED
A lot of people see the colour of red as anger, I like to use red a bold statement colour. I have always thought the colour red was a colour you would use if you want to stand out. A lot of the time when I was younger, I didn’t feel like I want to stand out. Sure, I was my own self, but it didn’t mean I wanted anyone to be aware of me being different than anyone. Now I am more aware of how I stand out more than ever.
Red for me stands for the bravely I have every single day. I know to some it might seem sappy or like an ad for something, but for me I think it does. I think because unlike many people I know, I am willing to put my personal life on the internet. I am open about my sexual and mental health issues, and willing to talk about them to death. More importantly is the bravely I face when I am down, and I force myself to face the day no matter what it may contain. Therefore, when I see this colour I’ve got to remember if I can do all of that, me speaking up about something in any situation is nothing.
ORANGE
When I think of the colour orange, I always think of it as bright colour, that you don’t see people in too often. I’ve liked it, and I look good in it. Orange represents my optimism. No matter down and depressed I get, or what bad situation I may be in, I always hope that it will get better. It’s not knowing of the when, it just will. I like to think of my optimism as something that is quite unique to me. I know not a lot of people see the brighter side of life, but somehow, I always do.
As to why orange is my optimism, because there is one unique way, I see it. It might be cheesy for some tastes but here we go. Every sunset and sunrise bring an orange colour to the sky. Every time the sunsets I wonder what will tomorrow bring. When the sunrises I wonder what that day will be like. Which why I always give myself a day to process, because it might be needed.
YELLOW
If you didn’t know, yellow has been my favour colour for how long I can remember. I remember asking for clothes in yellow, and whenever I see anything in this colour, I get them. (except for my iPhone, idiot). My bedroom has always been yellow, and still is to a degree. I just love it, but it must represent something. What it represents is knowledge.
Knowledge you might be thinking, yes knowledge. I associate it with yellow, because as it has been the longest colour, I remember liking. When I was younger, I was always considered the smart one, at school and amount family members. As life has gone on, I have continued to gain knowledge, and now look to give knowledge to others. With the sole purpose I give yellow knowledge, because I have never stopped learning things from childhood to now.
GREEN
Green means fun. I have always associated green with the outdoors, like most. Now as an adult I dont go out and play in the outdoors. I mostly stay inside behind desks working. The outdoors meant so much to me when I was younger. Its I time I romanticise all the time, as a time of me being better and happier. Which in turn I use the colour green for it.
I constantly say I want to have fun, but I feel like sometimes I don’t know how to. But I feel like I need a colour to reminded me in adult life I am still have fun. While also knowing I have been fun my whole life. As for the child like fun I used to have, it can never be more than a memory, but at least I have some young’s who can fill me with their idea of fun.
BLUE
Blue has to do with my teens. Everything I wanted to wear had to be baby blue for some reason. As such when I started my early days of burning disc it all came in blue. Since then blue has just stuck with me to mean music.
Music is a big part of what I am. I’ve had my iTunes library since 2003 and I don’t plan on restarting it any time soon. Not only that music can help me feel energised. Help me express feelings and connects me to other people. With music I can just put on something, and it allows me to go forth and do what I must do, and not have a care in the world.
PURPLE
Finally, we have purple, I chose this for anger as it is the darkest colour on the flag, and for me anger is something I have been hiding away from a lot of people. Which I know is something I need to address. Also, I think my anger puts me in a dark place, that’s also why I choose it.
As for my anger I know I really do not express it too often. I feel like sometimes I get angry and I just let wash over me, then forget out about it. Then over time it continues to build up, and then I just crash. I sometimes wish I had someone to natural control my anger or give into it more. But I feel for me that are a lot of negatives to me doing that. Such as angry black, as well social acceptance of it.
I know I am one of those people who has a lot to be angry at the world at, but deep inside me I don’t feel that at all. I have constantly been quoted as being ‘laid back’ but even if I am, there are times when I get so angry I don’t know what to do. I feel like I need to own this part of myself more and see what I can do about it. Since I am worried all this holding in of this negative feelings is having an unseen impact on my health.
There you have it, those are my colours and their meanings. I hope this has been a little bit more of an eye-opening experience into how my wardrobe works a bit more. How you overall see me as a person. With that in mind I hope you now notice more of what goes on around here.
Xo FabEs
