Too Much

Dear Friends,

For a long time, I have always been a someone who does a lot. A jack of all trades and master of none, kind of thing. I like to have my hands in so many things, but sometimes I wonder am I doing enough? I think like that because I feel like I can do so much more than I’m currently doing. Lately I’ve realized I’m doing too much of too many different things when I should be focusing on my core things.

We know I have talked about things of this nature before. I’ve had so many ideas I want to try so many new things and see how they play. Then when I do said things, I give it a couple of tries to make sure it’s something I wanted to do. However, what I have realized as I take on one thing, I end up forgetting about another. I think we do this as people we take on something new then forget something we love. I feel like I have done this mostly with my hobbies. Bailing on one to take up someone new which seems fun.

Sometimes I feel like my diverse nature is something people know me for. FabEs he’s willing to try a few new things. When I do these things, I do these so I don’t seem boring, when I should be okay with liking what I like. I feel like I want to be known as the guy into that one thing and is a good person to ask. I feel like I am so ADHD, and I’m all over the place I don’t know where to focus my attention.

I think a big part of that is things about this is this site. When I wanted to start this site, I wanted it to be a place I could put all my writing. Then we I got designing it I found out there are so many different things I could do with it. I went about making a podcast and diversifying my blog posts. Then I thought about doing gaming, and then doing streaming to go along with it. When I know it’s the writing, I’m good at? People come to me for my honest and frank take on life. Then why do I feel like I need go to videos and audio to get my voice out there? I do it because people say they don’t like to read any more. Then if those people don’t like to read my work why am I chasing them? Because in my head I know what ever I do I can grab people with my work. I do need to realize I need to dance with what brought me to dance, writing.

My writing is something I have always taken pride in. I have taken pride in it because I have been putting out blog posts for almost fifteen years. I have grown from a few views to a quite a lot why do I feel the need to make it more accessible to some people? I know not everyone can read and understand English, but it’s what I do, and you can’t please everyone. I feel like in the last few years a lot my writing has been taking a backseat to everything else I want to try to grab attention.

As for my writing it isn’t like all I do is blog post, I write poetry and fiction. But how often do I post anything like that, not very often. Yes, those two are hard to write, but I could simply try a lot more to get them out. Same with trying to write more about gaming, because it is a big passion for me, but I feel like I need to be fancy to grab gamers on socials. Which is why I am going to try and be more of the writer i know I am. It is just easy for me just writing a couple hundred words and then putting it online. It’s a very hard and delicate process and I know everything isn’t going to be a hit, but I put effort it and I should be able to put it out and be happy with what I got.

Same goes for my interests, I feel like as I’ve gotten away from what I enjoy doing, wither than be educationally or work related I have always tried to be cool to fit in. Which I will for the rest of my life tell the kids stop trying to be cool, and just be you. I mean I am now in my early thirties so why am I still chasing the cool? Because I can be more that what I am.

When I conceived this post, it was going to be about me having too much games movies and books. However, when the idea evolved, I realized I don’t have too much, I have enough. I have enough because these are my passions. They all feed back into what I like to do. I like to transport people to other worlds and entertain. While also writing something to make someone realize something within them. Then why do I neglect them so much?

I don’t know why I forget them. All I know is I got out of my way to buy all these mediums, but do not spend enough time in enjoying them, because I feel like they will always be there. Or I will get to them eventually. when I really want to delve into them, I can devour such a large portion in such a small amount of time. Sometimes I might be lost in the amount of them I have but it’s never much more than I can ever manage.

Which is why now those are my interests, and I from this from own wards I will state them as my interests. Sadly, I am not into movies or books as deep I used to be a few years ago. Gaming though is my DNA; it is something I into and just enjoy. What about baking, I just asked myself. Well it was a big part of me, and I think for now on it will be a talent that I will bring out at special occasions, and it might not seem like a lot. Their birthdays every month and event every other day. (As my oven is broken, it’s on hold)

As I say this new status quo, I think about my previous passions, such as music. I haven’t really listened to any new music in such long time I don’t think I can see it as passion of mine anymore. I will listen to old things rather than new, unless it’s from South Korea (BLACKPINK in your AREA!). As for everything else I think it’s all an extension of one the previously mentioned interests. When I have been in lockdown what I have done? I haven’t tried to pick up and new interests I have just continued to do the classics, a very telling sign, as when I did try to do something new not everything was interesting.

I hope everyone has realized I am doing too much, and sometimes I do because as we have already established, I can’t relax. To relax doesn’t mean taking on much more than we can ever deal with. It just means doing what we can handle. I have now realized I need to be less over crowed with everything I do. Now wish me luck for when I get back into the workforce, because I going to need to remind myself, that sometimes it’s Much Too Much.

Xo FabEs