On My Own (This Is Me)

Dear Friends,

Not too long ago I told you my main issue was feeling alone, but what I have realized from announcing that is, I don’t feel alone any more. I feel like I have people who care, and at a drop of hat will be there for me, when the shit hits the fan. I am grateful for this feeling; because I don't think in truth there has been a time where I haven't felt this way, in one form or another. I feel my lack of feeling lonely has to do with me opening up more, and not holding everything in. While I also do think having a partner has also helped me know someone is there. What I have realized is even though I am not alone, there are still a few things I need to do on my own.

I don’t say that to as I don't want to ask for help or feel like I don't need it, which is not the case at all. I now know there are a few things I alone have the power to say yes to. It is not to say I can’t ask for advice, or options, but there are things like, saying what bothering to my family, deciding what to do with my career, or deciding what to do with my time. These are all things I have to decide what to do on my own.

I say this because I know that there is no one in this world can make me do something I don't want to do. I don’t mean that to sound as brass as it sounds, it’s just if I don’t want to do a thing no one can convince me, or make me do it. I have my own mind, and feelings and desires. Ultimately it is up to me to decide wither or not I go with my natural impulses.

I wanted to write this piece because I’ve realized all major decisions in my life have all been down to me. And a lot of these times I was alone in making these decisions. And what I’ve realized as much as I’m starved for company, sometimes I need my own company to make a decision. But I know that I and I alone can only choose my destiny, and I will never let anyone choose it for me. I hate the idea of not having the choice.

But not only that I know there are a lot of things I have to do on my own, because I have to. Recently I have noticed there were a ton of things I thought I had to do with someone, and as I’ve realized that sometimes being alone is what is needed. Why did I need that loneliness because I wanted complete freedom, without me having to be diplomatic and make sure everyone is happy?

When I thought about this post, I wondered was I going to write about not being single or that I hate being on my own. What I have realized is sometimes I have to be selfish and enjoy me, because if I can’t enjoy me, who else is going to? I’m not saying I don't ever want company, but sometimes just a couple hours or a few days doing what I want to do and further define my character. It is weird for me to learn that so late but I think it is a lesson well learnt.

As I have done thought this series I wonder if any of you have realized some of the things you are proud of, or things you can’t do. I now know I can go out into the world and spend a whole day in my company now not wish I had someone with me, or scarred of what I should do. I am fine being on my own, and can any of you say the same?

Xo FabEs