Loyal

Dear friends, 

Building on what I did last time we spoke, this post deals with something that has been a more common occurrence than I once thought. Have you ever, or does this happen to you? You try to meet someone, they seem so interested, and then it goes nowhere? Or worse yet, they’ve done something with someone else? I feel like a lot of us have.

I am very aware that just because you are talking, having a few dates with a person it doesn't mean they owe you anything. I just feel like a lot of people are trying to keep their options open as much as they can. As you know everyone is trying to find someone who is better; hotter, fitter, richer. It’s a classic thing about human nature. What is nothing more human is the need for sexual pleasure, and I feel that is what happens a lot in gay world. 

The amount of times I have been speaking to someone who we’ve both declared we’re looking for something a little more serious. Then for them to turn around and say they are going to meet up with a friend. Of course for a while I've always been sceptical of this friend, then for me to find out they have had sex with said friend. The thing that gets me is that it's told to me like it's the most casual thing in the world. When when I think about it, it’s really fucked up for someone to tell you that. When it goes against what you think you know about that person. I really want to know, have you ever had a similar experience? 

Now of course these people are not for me. They just see it as sex, and that is okay. As they need to have needs that need to be met. However, there is nothing in their head that thinks, maybe I shouldn’t do this, or maybe I should say that I've done this. I mean, what we don't know can’t hurt us. I don't know if in their head it's being honest, but to me it sets a really bad precedent. Think about it, if you are dating this person, and you have a busy week with work or family, then because they have needs they are going to see it elsewhere. It doesn't paint the greatest picture does it? 

Now my well balanced mind knows that maybe these people are seeking a non monogamous relationship.That is fine, but it would be nice to communicate that sooner rather than later. The thing is, the fact that this has happened more than once, tells you something about the way some people think. Which is a reason why there's an issue with people like me, meeting people who are decent. And I mean that. A decent person would think about talking to multiple people, and then going to bed with one or two just to get over that itch. It is very much having your cake and eating it too. I will give you an example. 

At some point last year I was talking to someone. They seemed nice, they were local and we’re looking for something long term. At this time my mum was post op so i wasn’t available to meet freely, which of course I communicated. Then one weekend they message me, hey how are you doing? Then when I followed up, they said they were tired. Why were they tired? They went over to a fuck buddies late last night. Why? I really horny and really needed to get fucked. Unlike before where I might have been woe is me, this is happening again. I just deciced, you get a block and fuck off! Nice and simple. Then since I only blocked them on WhatsApp, I got a text message saying something like, ‘I guess i shouldn't have told you, I didn't think it was a big deal’ 

In the grand scheme of things it isn’t a big deal. I am just going to remove myself from this situation. Now I think there has been a great deal of people who have forgotten what it is like to have consideration towards other people. There is this underlying feeling of selfishness. I feel like a lot of people choose the wrong time to be so selfish. I think when it comes to dating and sex, people tend to be so selfish that they fuck themselves in the process. Then complain to friends and anyone who will listen, why can’t they meet no one. Any time I hear this take, I wonder have you ever thought about your own behaviour first, before you put it on someone else? I can guarantee a small minority of people actually do. 

Of course there are a lot of things I can do. I can just put up with the crap just to have a date. Or I could call people out directly about their bad behaviour. What I’m really going to do is, make sure none of my friends are like this. Just because we are gay men doesn't mean we should act like this. You’re horny, okay do something about it. However, if you feel like you want to actually be with someone, think about how you deal with that horny-ness. I don't think people realise your action can have a negative and positive reaction. If they really take a second to think about the negative reaction, and you’re okay to live with those consequences, then by all means go ahead and do it. 

To the people this has happened too, don’t worry. You are better off, because think about the long term. This person really didn't like you, if they did they wouldn’t try to exploit every avenue. You know that, just remember that. I don't have no time for people who can even see where a thing may or may not go. I’m a loyal bitch, not a hoe. 

Xo FabEs